GIDEON VERSUS THE GODS OF COOL
A Rock Opera
Book, music, and lyrics by Stephen Gashler
Additional music by Teresa Gashler
801-900-3035
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CAST LIST:
Gideon Greenwich: male, high school student, starts as nerdy and antisocial but eventually transcends cliques and finds courage as he discovers and challenges the gods.
Wanda Biggles: female, high school student, one of Gideon's best friends, big heart, nerdy, has a crush on Gideon. She wants to help Gideon but puts her foot down when she knows she is being used and unappreciated.
Dwight Farnsworth: male, high school student, one of Gideon's best friends, nerdy, skeptical, sarcastic, but also loyal when he is willing to forgive.
Douglas Rock: male, high school student, captain of the football team. At first he's influenced by Sportacus and the gods of cool, but he breaks out of their control with help from Gideon.
Kyle Slater: male, high school student, football player, best friend of Doug to begin with, eventually becoming Gideon's arch rival, selfish, tough, eager to put himself above others, especially nerds, under the influence of the gods of cool.
Cynthia McDaniels: female, high school student, cheerleader, flirtatious, has a crush on football player Doug Rock. She has a deeper personality than how she appears on the surface level.
Norma: female, (AKA the "gray lady") goddess of normality disguised as a school administrator, aims to keep things normal and doesn't like it when Gideon acts spontaneously, works under Coolar.
Ms. Primple: female, goddess of fashion disguised as a high school teacher. Her aim is to control all high school students and define what is cool, particularly when in comes to fashion.
Coolar: male, rapstar, the chief of the gods of cool, his aim is to control all high school students and define what is cool.
Muza/Muzo: female/male, goddess/god of popular music disguised as a high school teacher. Her/his aim is to control all high school students and define what is cool when it comes to music.
Sportacus/Coach John: male, god of sports disguised as a coach. His aim is to control all high school students and define what is cool when it comes to sports.
Nerdacus/Nerdaca: male/female, teacher, god/goddess of nerds, socially awkward, obsessed with all things nerdy, serves with the gods of cool to try to convince nerds to stick to their clique.
Joan Cooper: female, high school student, student body president, popular, under the influence of the gods of cool. Appearing cool is extremely important to her.
Kimberly Fenner: female, high school student, under the influence of the gods of cool, best friend of Joan. Appearing cool is extremely important to her.
Cheerleaders/girls chorus: female, high school students, athletic, peppy, popular.
Jocks: male/female, members of Eastward and Westward high football teams. As worshippers of Sportacus, sports are their lives, and they're always ready to fight for glory.
Nerds: male/female, at the bottom of the social ladder, awkward, clumsy, but smart.
Act 1
"Boys P.E."
1.1 - Gym
It's the 1980s at Eastward High School. Enter WANDA Biggles (a nerdy girl).
WANDA
I'm sorry I had my doubts.
I'm starting to feel this out.
There's more to this world
Than I ever had dreamed.
Wonder is spread throughout.
GIDEON Greenwich (a nerdy boy) stands on bleachers, pumping tiny dumbbells.
Wanda
When one's at the proper height
And tilting his head just right.
He might catch a glimpse
Of the phantom authorities
Watching through day and night.
Somewhere elevated, Reveal NORMA (a woman dressed in gray).
WANDA
That's how we discovered
That something was grim,
When Gideon stood
At the top of the gym.
Familiar yet strange
To the utmost degree,
That look in her eyes
He was not meant to see.
NORMA
Who is this rebel
Standing above the crowd?
Gazing at levels
In which he's not allowed?
WANDA
Who was this person
With an air of command,
Looking down on the school
As if she held it in her hand?
NORMA
Forget what you've seen
If you want to pass.
Gideon, get back to class!
Enter JOCKS (the red team), who make a terrifying display of manliness as they pass a basketball between themselves. Among them are DOUG Rock (a tough though stoic athlete) and KYLE Slater (a tough and fierce athlete).
Enter NERDS (the blue team), who fearfully face the JOCKS. Among them is DWIGHT Farnsworth (one of Gideon's best friends).
Enter COACH JOHN, who blows a whistle and begins the game. The JOCKS cream the nerds.
Dwight
Body's aching,
Covered in sweat.
Gotta survive
The oncoming threat.
To take on the ball
Is to take on pain
As battalions collide,
Bringing hits to the brain.
Time expands
As torture grips.
Who can stand
Through this apocalypse?
Enter CHEER LEADERS.
CHEER LEADERS
Boys P.E.
Nerds
Where I really do not wanna be.
CHEER LEADERS
Boys P.E.
Nerds
Can you smell the dripping agony?
CHEER LEADERS
Boys P.E.
Jocks
Where jocks can fin'ly take command.
CHEER LEADERS
Boys P.E.
nerds
And nerds must bow to their demands.
Coach JOHN
RED TEAM: ONE-HUNDRED-ELEVEN. BLUE TEAM: FIVE.
Gideon
With a doctor's note,
I've escaped this wreck.
Who cares if it was forged?
Gotta save my neck!
Dwight
Heaven above,
Is there no relief?
Kyle
Get back in the game
If you value your teeth.
Gideon
Can I endure
Till the bell sets us free?
Gotta act fast.
No one's watching me.
As the carnage continues, GIDEON attempts to sneak out.
CHEER LEADERS
Boys P.E.,
Where I really do not wanna be.
Boys P.E.,
Can you smell the dripping agony?
Boys P.E.
boys
Where you know your rivals,
Know your friends.
CHEER LEADERS
Boys P.E.
boys
And all must suffer till the end!
Enter NORMA, cutting off GIDEON. Time stops for everyone else.
Norma
How improper. Goodness me.
Do I spy a refugee?
Dare you leave without approval?
I shall see to your removal.
Gideon
The bell was just about to chime.
Norma
You'll face justice for this crime.
GIDEON runs off, and time resumes.
CHORUS
Boys P.E.,
Where I really do not wanna be.
Boys P.E.,
Can you smell the dripping agony?
Boys P.E.,
Where you know your rivals,
Know your friends.
Boys P.E.,
And all must suffer till the end!
Blackout.
1.2 - classroom
"Fashion Merchandising"
Girls (mostly CHEER LEADERS) gather for "Fashion Merchandising" class. Among them are CYNTHIA (Gideon's secret crush), JOAN, and KIMBERLY. Enter GIDEON and WANDA.
Wanda
There you are, Gideon,
But why so traumatized?
Gideon
Her glare was like obsidian,
A woman with evil eyes,
Some scary school administrator,
I've never seen before.
She snapped just like an alligator
As I bolted through the door.
Wanda
What was your crime?
Gideon
Before my time, I stole back two whole minutes.
Enter DWIGHT.
Dwight
While abandoning friends
To their dismal ends.
Your treachery knows no limits.
Enter MS. PRIMPLE (a gorgeous teacher and fashionista).
Cynthia
GOOD AFTERNOON, MS. PRIMPLE.
Ms. Primple
Girls ... I mean class,
Please take your seats,
And stop your weird philosophizing.
It's time for the last
And best class of the day,
Wonderful fashion Merchandising.
Some of you thought you'd score an easy A
While surrounding yourselves
With sweet temptations,
But raising the bar in class begins today.
It's time for your dreaded fashion presentations.
Do we have any volunteers?
Cynthia
Ms. Primple, choose your pet.
Ms. PrimpLE
What will it be, Cynthia?
Cynthia
The classic'lly clad corset.
Since ancient times
Women bore the signs
Of flagrant overeating.
But with a tight corset
There were no regrets,
A delightful way of cheating.
Of course, some women may have died
From a bit too much compressing.
But what's the price you're willing to pay
For the pleasure of impressing?
Gideon
FREEZE!
Everyone but GIDEON freezes.
Gideon
Look at that pretty face
And hear her voice!
The girl of my dreams
Standing before me.
I'd lock away my heart
If I had a choice.
I fear she will
Always ignore me.
cynthia
Come and shape
A better theme
With me.
Come escape
Into my dream
With me.
Gideon
(counterpoint)
If only it were real.
Can't help this way I feel.
For now I must conceal.
cynthia
(counterpoint)
Come and shape
A better theme
With me.
Come escape
Into my dream
With me.
Gideon
Wanting to believe,
But you're so high above my league!
MS. PRIMPLE
I find it rather evident
You're dozing through my class.
You're the next to present.
That is, if you want to pass.
Gideon
I'm afraid I left my report at home.
Ms. Primple
Then it's time to think on your feet.
Wanda
Please won't you take me instead?
Ms. Primple
How amorous and sweet.
Joan
Who can contain the romantic flame,
Nerdiness notwithstanding?
Gideon
Tell then, Wanda, that we're just friends.
I'm afraid there's a misunderstanding.
Enter NORMA.
Norma
Oh, the drama. I hate to come between which,
But I'm looking for a boy named Gideon Greenwich.
Ms. Primple
You lucky dog,
I guess you get to walk.
Norma
Come, my boy,
It's time we have a talk.
NORMA begins to lead GIDEON off.
Wanda
FREEZE!
Everyone but WANDA freezes.
Wanda
Nasty witch,
How dare you take away
The boy of my dreams
Standing before me.
But when he will be mine
I cannot say.
I fear he will
Always ignore me.
gideon
Come and shape a better theme with me.
Aside, enter JOCKS.
Jocks
Na na na na ...
gideon
Come escape into my dream with me.
Jocks
Na na na na ...
wanda
(counterpoint)
If only it were real.
Can't help this way I feel.
For now I must conceal.
gideon
(counterpoint)
Come and shape a better theme with me.
Come escape into my dream with me.
Cynthia
(counterpoint)
Ah ...
wanda
Still wanting to believe
As you turn away and leave!
Norma
Say goodbye, Gideon.
It's all about to change.
1.3 - Office
"You No Longer Own Your Life"
Enter NORMA and GIDEON.
Norma
Have a seat.
This may take awhile.
Listen close
As I read through your files.
Gideon
All this fuss
For a two minute break?
Could it be there has been a mistake?
Norma
Second grade, Mrs. Wordsworth's class:
"Gideon shows promise,
Though he doodles in math."
Seventh grade, through geometry:
Goofing off like school is a comedy.
Forging notes for physical ed.
"He's seldom there in class,
Always lost in his head."
GIDEON
Why are you meddling with my life?
NORMA
You no longer own your life.
Gideon
I've never failed a single test.
Norma
You miss the point of school
Until your will is suppressed.
You've been a slacker
Now for too many years.
It's time to be corrected
Till defiance disappears.
Unless every word I decree
Is upheld,
Believe me when I say
You will be expelled.
Gideon
Tell me who you are
And why you're picking on me.
Norma
There's one thing you need to know:
It's for your good,
I guarantee.
Gideon
I never realized I was being stalked.
Norma
You've been tracked since you were five!
Are you really so shocked?
GIDEON
What is happening to my life?
NORMA
You no longer own your life.
To teach you strict compliance,
You'll join the football team.
They'll beat out your defiance
Until you turn eighteen.
Gideon
Instead of blind submission,
What if I fight?
Norma
Don't you understand your position?
Minors have no rights!
Gideon
I want to talk to the principal.
Norma
Mr. Bruce works for me.
Let's be sensible.
But if you're so eager
To throw your life away,
We can talk to him now
And send you off today.
Your antisocial ways
Are coming to an end.
Douglas Rock
Will be your new best friend.
Gideon
THE CAPTAIN OF THE FOOTBALL TEAM!
You cannot be for real.
Could this all be a dream?
OF COURSE YOU'LL NEVER REALLY BECOME A JOCK. THAT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE. THIS IS SIMPLY TO TEACH YOU KNOW YOUR LIMITS.
Norma
Soon you'll realize what is true.
You'll report back here tomorrow
Or, believe me, I'll find you.
GIDEON
What is happening to my life?
girls
You no longer own your life.
GIDEON
What is happening to my life?
girls
You no longer own your life.
1.3 - commons
GIDEON approaches DOUG Rock and his friends: KYLE Slater, JOAN Cooper, MONICA Hawley, and KIMBERLY Fenner. Aside, DWIGHT and WANDA observe.
Gideon
Hey, Doug, we've never spoken.
I'm Gideon, you know, from class.
kyle
It's the nerd who sits on the bleachers.
Gideon
I've an awkward question to ask.
How does one become a part of
The football team?
Everyone but DOUG laughs.
Doug
You can't be serious.
You're really serious?
Practice starts at three-fifteen.
Exit DOUG and his friends.
Dwight
Are you crazy?
Wanda
Are you trying to die?
dwight
Betraying our tribe.
Wanda
Tell us why.
dwight
Tell us why!
Gideon
You think I'd do this
If there was another way?
The gray lady ordered,
And I'm bound to obey.
If I'm expelled,
My parents will kill me.
Dwight
If you join the team,
The jocks will kill you.
Gideon
Either way, I'm dead,
But at least I can try.
Wanda
Gideon, be careful.
I don't want you to die!
Gideon
I hate this just as much as you.
Dwight
Who said I hate this?
IT'S KARMA, MAN.
There's no way to escape this.
gideon
(counterpoint)
What is happening to my life ...
Wanda
(counterpoint)
Ah ...
norma, girls
(counterpoint)
You no longer own your life ...
Dwight
(counterpoint)
Body's aching,
Covered in sweat.
Gotta survive
The oncoming threat.
To take on the ball
Is to take on pain
As batallians collide,
Bringing hits to the brain ...
Cynthia
(counterpoint)
Come escape
Into my dream with me.
Come and shape
A brighter theme with me.
Chorus
You no longer own your life.
1.4 - field
"Fight"
Kyle
You survived a day of practice,
But that doesn't make you one of us.
Doug
NOT YET.
Full initiation comes
Where calls of duty summon us.
Kyle
LET'S MAKE A BET.
You think he might be ready
To prove his manly might?
DOUG
Maybe if he shows up
To our escapade tonight.
I think he's got the courage.
Kyle
I say he wouldn't dare.
Gideon
Whatever it is, just tell me where.
I swear I will be there.
(aside)
Gideon, you moron,
You should have told them no.
It sounds like it's illegal.
You'll end six feet below.
KYLE, Doug
Put on your brass knuckles.
Tear your muscles.
Pound your foes
To dust.
Destroy and disassemble.
Make them tremble.
Cause it all to bust.
1.5 - Park
Gideon
I can't believe you actually
Showed up to the park at night,
READY TO FIGHT.
Are you trying to prove you're tough?
Are you sure your head is screwd on right?
TAKE YOUR FLIGHT.
What do you think you're gonna gain
From something so completely,
Positively insane?
Enter Westward jocks.
Kyle
I lost the bet. I never thought you'd show your face.
Doug
The Westward guys are coming.
Forward, keep you pace.
Gideon
Why do we need to fight?
Kyle
What kind of question is that?
Doug
Be true to your school.
Get ready for combat!
There's a face-off between the Eastward and Westard jocks.
Jocks
Huh ...
Gideon
WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?
They fight.
jocks
Put on your brass knuckles.
Tear your muscles.
Pound your foes
To dust.
Destroy and disassemble.
Make them tremble.
Cause it all to bust.
GIDEON, after some close encounters, deserts.
Aside, enter DWIGHT and WANDA.
Wanda
I'm so glad you're still alive.
Gideon
How long have you been spying on me?
Dwight
ALL NIGHT.
Wanda
We were concerned about your choice of friends
And thought we'd better oversee ...
Dwight
THE FIGHT. VERY ENTERTAINING, BY THE WAY.
The Westward jocks retreat.
DOUG
(aside)
Victory is ours.
KYLE
As the weirdo disappears.
Doug
Perhaps it's for the best,
'Cause we don't have extra beers.
Kyle
Let's go tell our master,
The mighty Sportacus.
He surely will reward us
For the triumph of the fist.
Dwight
The jocks are gonna visit
Some esoteric Greek.
Wanda
I say we run for cover.
Gideon
I say we have a peak.
1.6 - bonfire
GIDEON, DWIGHT, and WANDA have spy on the jocks.
Jocks
Break down the door,
Big dawg, big dawg.
Break down the door,
Big dawg.
Break down the door,
Big dawg, big dawg.
Break down the door,
Big dawg.
Break down the door,
Big dawg, big dawg.
Break down the door,
Big dawg.
Have another shot
Then tumble to the floor.
Scramble to your feet.
You're gonna take more.
Break down the door,
Big dawg, big dawg.
Break down the door,
Big dawg.
Enter SPORTACUS (a god).
Doug
ALMIGHTY SPORTACUS, WE HAVE DEFEATED OUR ENEMIES, AND WE DEDICATE OUR VICTORY UNTO THEE.
Sportacus
A fearsome fight, a noble night,
My faithful warrior band.
Rise over all.
The weak must fall
When I give my command.
Tomorrow we shall rally forces,
Strengthening our pow'r.
Any who would dare defy,
Demolish and devour.
I'd tell you why,
But, lo, I spy
An infidel or three!
STEALING GLANCES OF A SCENE,
THEY WERE NOT MEANT TO SEE.
JOCKS
Put on your brass knuckles.
Tear your muscles.
Pound your foes to dust.
Destroy and disassemble.
Make them tremble.
Cause it all to bust.
Put on your brass knuckles.
Tear your muscles.
Pound your foes to dust.
Destroy and disassemble.
Make them tremble.
Cause it all to bust.
1.7 - commons
"Pep Rally"
Dwight
Never seen nothin' like that before.
wanda
Apparently the jocks have a god of war.
Gideon,
I think the gray lady
Is part of the scheme,
A PLOT TO CONTROL US.
Dwight
This must be a dream.
Wanda
We can't all be dreaming.
There's something going on.
Gideon
Supernatural or not,
I tell you, it's wrong.
The guy said today
They would rally in power.
What could that mean?
Enter MS. PRIMPLE.
Ms. Primple
Oh, look at the hour!
IF IT ISN'T MY FAVORITE PUPILS. I'M SURE I NEED NOT REMIND YOU.
All students must assemble
At the gym without dally.
It's time for our wonderful
School pep rally.
1.7 - gym
CYNTHIA leads a cheer.
chorus
Oh ...
cynthia
Who's number one?
chorus
Eastward! Eastward!
cynthia
Who's gonna win?
chorus
Eastward! Eastward!
cynthia
Who's gonna die?
chorus
Westward! Westward!
cynthia
Let's here it one more time!
chorus
Eastward! Eastward!
The football team enters in glory.
Doug
Hey, Gid, what are you doing?
You're part of the team now,
So stand in your place.
GIDEON reluctantly joins the football team.
KYLE
Deserter.
JOAN Cooper (the student body president) leads the ceremonies.
Joan
The homecoming dance is upon us.
Don't have a date yet?
Then pick up your pace.
Let's hear a cheer
For Eastward High alumni,
Our special guest of honor,
The man of living braun.
Our fearless leader
And the toughest one we've come by.
The legendary quarterback,
Guest coach John!
COACH John (Sportacus in disguise) enters with glory.
Wanda
It's him.
Gideon
It's him?
Dwight
It's him.
Wanda
It's him.
Dwight
It's him.
Wanda
It's him.
Gideon
It's him!
Coach
An honor
To work with such promise,
Fine, gentle scholars
Like our fearless Douglass Rock.
Tonight,
Glory is upon us.
We'll charge up to Westward
And send them into shock.
Who's number one?
CHORUS
Eastward! Eastward!
coach
Who's gonna win?
CHORUS
Eastward! Eastward!
coach
Who's gonna die?
CHORUS
Westward! Westward!
coach
Let's here it one more time!
CHORUS
Eastward! Eastward!
Gideon
Shut up, you stupid morons.
DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD?
coach
WHAT WAS THAT?
Gideon
I didn't say anything.
Kyle
Actually, he said,
"Shut up, you stupid morons."
Coach
That's what I thought.
Don't you take pride
When your home team wins?
Gideon
Last I heard,
Pride was a deadly sin.
Coach
Don't you know
How school spirit works?
Gideon
Not if school spirit
Means acting like jerks.
Coach
While wimps complain
About what's nice and not,
We fight the battles
That you cannot.
Gideon
WHAT BATTLES? IT'S ONLY A GAME.
Coach
In the game of life,
You can win or you can lose.
Gideon
That's not always true
If you broaden your views.
FURTHERMORE, AS WE SHOULD ALL KNOW:
Tooting one's horn
While insulting opposition
Is putting your stupidity
On public exhibition.
Coach
You'll eat your words
When we take victory tonight.
Gideon
So the ends prove the means.
Are you sure that's right?
Coach
We'll smash Westward
In sports and academics.
Gideon
I'm pretty sure both schools
Are equally pathetic.
coach
If I were you,
I would guard my words.
Some won't be kind
To treacherous nerds.
Gideon
It's been fun,
But I think I'll step down.
Coach
YOU'RE PRESSING MY BUTTONS.
Beat it. Turn around.
The COACH forcefully shoves GIDEON away, and the audience laughs.
Norma
How improper.
Goodness me.
Do I spy a
Refugee?
Dare you speak
So nonconformal?
You'll be taught
This isn't normal.
Now learn your place.
Step back in line.
You'll face justice
For this crime!
gideon
Only two years left of torture so cruel,
The shame and the pressures
They call public school.
Just take the abuse
And endure till you're free.
Pretend to be
What they want you to be.
wanda
Sustaining the status quo?
That's not the boy I know.
You're stronger than this.
I believe you are ready
To stand up against this foe.
GIDEON punches the COACH, who backs up, looks around, and explodes. Everyone is confused. DOUG feels woozy.
Kyle
GET HIM!
The football team (minus DOUG) tries to clobber GIDEON. GIDEON's friends help him esacpe.
1.8 - streets
It's night. GIDEON is walkign the streets.
Gideon
What the heck?
My life is getting weirder every day.
At least I haven't been arrested yet
For murder.
What the heck?
How was I to know that'd he'd explode?
Somewhere
Out there,
I know she's watching me.
That freaky gray lady.
There's no outrunning.
Someone's coming.
Headed straight for me!
Just act casual,
Nice and gradual.
Nothing at all to see here.
Oh my gosh, it's a girl.
WHAT ARE THE ODDS?
What in the world?
Don't be reactive.
WOAH, she's attractive.
It's Cynthia!
WHAT THE HUH?
Don't panic!
Enter CYNTHIA.
Cynthia
Can it be true?
Gideon
CYNTHIA.
Cynthia
I'm so glad it's you.
Gideon
REALLY?
Cynthia
I was afraid
From far away
That you were some kind of weirdo.
No one should walk alone at night,
But I was feeling so uptight.
Troubled teens
Need time to blow off steam.
Gideon
I know just what you mean.
Please walk with me.
Cynthia
Oh what a show
You put us through.
Everything happened so quick.
I'm dying to know,
How did you do
The exploding trick?
Gideon
That wasn't a trick.
He really exploded.
Cynthia
You're such a geek,
But you have an odd mystique.
And I'm so glad
We fin'lly get to speak.
Bring the blush on.
I've always had a crush on
Football boys,
But I'm too shy to tell them.
Now here you are, beside me.
Why not take a chance?
There's someone I hope
Will ask me to the dance.
Gideon
(aside)
What to do now?
I'd take her if I only knew how.
Do I go right for the kiss?
What happens if I miss?
Cynthia
I'm wond'ring if he likes me.
Gideon
Loving's about to start.
Cynthia
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
Gideon
From the pounding of my heart.
Cynthia
WHAT?
GIDEON
YOU ... MAKE MY HEART POUND.
CYNTHIA
WHY?
GIDEON
BECAUSE I ... DIDN'T YOU SAY ...
CYNTHIA
I'M TALKING ABOUT DOUG ROCK.
Gideon
I KNEW THAT.
Cynthia
So anyway,
Speaking of Doug,
You think he really like me?
Gideon
It's hard to say
For sure.
Cynthia
BUT YOU JUST SAID.
Gideon
I changed my mind.
Cynthia
You're kind of confusing.
Gideon
I have an idea:
Let's change the subject.
Cynthia
Please, won't you find out
Exactly how he feels?
I'll owe you big for reals.
Gideon
Sure, whatever.
Cynthia
Oh, the wonder.
Can you feel the romantic thunder?
To be beautiful and young,
When life has just begun!
I'll find my way home
By the magic of the moon.
I hope I'll see you soon.
Exit CYNTHIA.
Gideon
Should I step down
And take defeat
When everything tastes so sour?
Can I go on,
So incomplete,
Enduring each lonely hour?
Wanda, I don't know what you see.
There is no hero inside of me.
The only spark left
Is a feeling I can't ignore.
Douglas Rock, my rival,
This means war.
This means war!
1.8 - principal's office
"Supernatural"
primple
(off)
GIDEON GREENWICH, PLEASE COME TO THE MAIN OFFICE ... IMMEDIATELY.
The PRINCIAPL (a featureless man in a suit) sits at a desk. Enter GIDEON.
Gideon
I KNOW ...
My actions were appalling.
I stained a coach's name.
The pandemonium that happened next,
You want me to explain?
I tell you, that's the problem.
I haven't got a clue.
My only aim was self defense
When suddenly ... he blew.
Enter NORMA.
norma
(to the principal)
There's more you must consider.
Gideon
Now I'm done for sure.
Norma
Some details slipped
From the planning phase
A slight bit premature.
To show our Eastward spirit
Was bursting at the seams,
An innocent plan for fireworks
Was taken to extremes.
Enter COACH John.
I'll show you what is rational.
Everything is natural.
I assure you,
All is in control.
The boys were only
Acting in their roles.
My one regret,
With Douglas Rock to thank,
(to GIDEON)
They kept you in the dark
As a twisted prank.
(to PRINCIPAL)
So you see everything
Is perfectly well,
Though the boy needs to learn respect.
There's no reason to expel.
His behavior I'll correct.
NORMA and COACH John lead GIDEON out of the principal's office.
1.9 - Commons
Norma
Now the score is settled.
I saved you from your strife.
Forgive, I beg,
For pushing too hard
And meddling with your life.
You don't have to play football.
We no longer must be formal.
Forget all about any doubts or fears.
Let life go back to normal.
Exit NORMA and COACH John.
Gideon
Well that was unexpected.
Was nothing as it seemed?
I thought evil forces
Had it in for me.
Was it all a dream?
Tell me what is rational?
Could this all be natural?
The bell rings. Enter student body. JOAN and her friends have turned a cold shoulder to CYNTHIA.
cynthia
Cast away,
They say I've lost my chance,
The rightful shame
For girls not asked to dance.
Joan
The day of judgment
Is close at hand.
The cool are exalted,
The losers damned.
Enter DOUG and KYLE. GIDEON hides.
Kyle
Thanks to you,
We lost the game last night.
A sick DOUG shows a doctor's note.
Doug
My doctor said no sports
Till I feel right.
Kyle
I know that's fake, man.
What's wrong with your head?
I'm hanging with my cool friends
For now instead.
Kyle and jocks
Break down the door,
Big dawg, big dawg.
Break down the door,
Big dawg.
The jocks discover GIDEON and shove him.
Break down the door,
Big dawg, big dawg.
Break down the door,
Big dawg.
chorus
Tell me what is rational?
Could this all be natural?
Exit everyone but GIDEON.
Gideon
Oh ...
Enter WANDA and DWIGHT. WANDA is carrying a book.
Wanda
GIDEON, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT!?
GIDEON
I'M FINE.
Wanda
I've been doing lots of research
About ancient cults and gods.
This one looks just like Ms Primple.
Don't you think that's odd?
Dwight
Although it seems unlikely,
It's certainly possible
Supernatural thugs
Are pulling strings.
If so, we've got to know!
Wanda
I think she's the goddess of fashion,
And you took out the god of jocks.
The gray lady is normality,
Keeping us in this box.
Gideon
I know it's fun to daydream
That there's more to life than we know,
But the coach is walking through the halls.
It was nothing but a show.
Wanda
Are you sure that's rational?
Could this be supernatural?
Do not be deceived
By their illusions.
Gideon
Wanda, please don't add
To my confusion.
Dwight
Logic's the beginning,
Not the end.
There could be more dimensions
Than we comprehend.
Wanda
I have further reason to believe
From something I overheard.
These so-called teachers
Were whispering
About a gath'ring to occur.
I think they were talking about the dance,
Where they all plan to unite.
Then their powers will enhance
Unless we stand and fight.
Dwight, gideon
(counterpoint)
Tell me what is rational?
Could this all be natural?
Tell me what is rational?
Could this all be natural?
Tell me what is rational?
Could this be supernatural?
Wanda
(counterpoint)
Ah ...
"Worthless"
Wanda
If you want to know what's real,
Consider the way you feel.
Then build up some courage
And talk to your enemies.
Find out what they conceal.
Cynthia
Please won't you find out
Exactly how he feels.
I'll owe you big for reals.
wanda
Don't be a slug.
Go confront Doug.
Gideon
I thought you didn't want
Me to die.
Wanda
Yours is not
To question why.
Gideon
Do you hear what I'm saying?
Wanda
Will you quit delaying?
GIDEON goes to DOUG's house.
Gideon
What will happen
If I knock on his door?
Will he pound me into dust?
Will I breathe anymore?
Doug
Hey, there, Gid,
How long have you been here?
It helps if you knock
If you don't want to look weird.
Gideon
I just happened to be passing through.
I heard that you were sick.
Doug
I'm afraid that's true.
Ever since that rally at the gym,
I haven't felt the same,
And my mind has gone dim.
It's as if a cloudy dream
Had suddenly burst.
You think you would be free,
But you end up worse.
Like a worthless nerd,
I feel dejected,
So alone
And disconnected,
Living in a haze
And wasting my days.
Gideon
Do you remember
The guy at the park
Who looked like a god
As you bowed in the dark?
Doug
Is this a joke?
Whatcha talkin' about?
Gideon
You really don't recall?
Doug
I told you I've been out.
Gideon
More importantly,
Have you met
Cynthia McDaniels?
Doug
How could I forget?
Gideon
She's hoping you'll ask her
To the dance.
Doug
Oh man, I'd love to go,
But I was asked in advance.
Maybe you're the one
To ask her instead.
Gideon
Maybe you could help.
I've a plan in my head.
Blackout.
1.10 - Commons
Enter CYNTHIA.
Cynthia, girls
Like a worthless nerd,
I feel dejected,
So alone
And disconnected,
Living in a haze
And wasting my days.
Exit CYNTHIA.
Enter GIDEON and DOUG.
Doug
(acting)
Hey, you ugly barf bag,
I thought I told you
Stay out of my sight.
Gideon
Dude, she's not here yet.
Enter KYLE
Kyle
HEY!
Don't hog all the fun.
While DOUG pretends to beat up GIDEON, KYLE actually beats up GIDEON.
Doug
NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. ... WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, MAN?
Kyle
YOU STARTED IT.
Enter WANDA and DWIGHT.
Wanda
Why are you always hurt?
Joan
Doug, must you shame our tribe
With people watching?
Kimberly
(to KYLE)
I can't be seen with you.
Kimberly, joan
Find another date!
Doug, Kyle
Like a worthless nerd,
I feel dejected,
So alone
And disconnected,
Living in a haze
And wasting my days.
Enter CYNTHIA.
Cynthia
Why is everbody so slumped?
Dwight
The boys got in a fight,
And the jocks got dumped.
Cynthia
How did it start?
Kyle
I blame the nerd.
Gideon
You know it wasn't me.
Doug
Don't be absurd.
I'm the one
Who let things spiral out of hand.
I cannot blame Joan.
I'm a stupid, dumb man.
Cynthia
You poor, dear boy,
If it it's not too late,
I know I'm no Joan,
But I'll be your date.
Doug
That would be cool.
Exit DOUG with CYNTHIA.
Kyle
This blows my mind.
How can I be the one
Who's left behind?
Enter NORMA.
Norma
This is proper,
Cant you see?
Nerds do not date
Out of their league.
You've found your place.
Now be contented.
This is the way
It's meant to be.
Gideon
I GOTTA GET TO THIS DANCE.
(to JOAN and KIMBERLY)
WILL EITHER OF YOU GO WITH ME?
Joan
EW.
Exit JOAN and KIMBERLY.
Gideon
WELL, WANDA, I GUESS WE HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO GO WITH EACH OTHER.
WANDA
HOW ROMANTIC.
Kyle
Hey, you, whatever your name is,
You can see how low down my shame is.
You should go to the dance with me.
Wanda
I quite agree.
Exit WANDA with KYLE.
Dwight
LOSER PARTY THIS SATURDAY?
Gideon
EVERY YEAR.
Gideon, dwight
Like a worthless nerd,
I feel dejected,
So alone
And disconnected,
Living in a haze
And wasting my days.
1. 10 - Gideon's house
GIDEON and DWIGHT throw their "losers party".
"Dance"
Dwight
What a natural time
As lovers feast
On their parents' dime.
Feel the sparks in the air,
The smell of hairspray,
Everywhere.
While antisocial,
Lonely souls
Indulge in V.R.,
Packing in chips
And ice cream
And soda.
Is this who we are?
Gideon
How I hate to endure
The thought of his hands
Touching her.
Dwight
You'll survive this tri'l,
Though do you mean Doug or Kyle?
Gideon
I hate them both,
But what torments most:
I cannot be there
To see what my supernatural foes
Are tying to achieve there.
Dwight
Don't you think it's time
We draw conclusions?
All this talk of gods was mere delusion.
Gideon
If there only was a way to
Sneak in to the dance,
I could know what's real or not
From just one glance.
Cynthia
(aside)
Won't you escape
Into my dream with me?
Dwight
Take a look
At Wanda's book,
At the goddess who looks like Primple.
Her ancient priests
Would dress in drag,
Donning skirts and wimples.
Gideon
Dwight, you are a genius.
That's just how we'll get in.
None will know the truth
If we cake enough makeup on your skin.
Dwight
I'm not gonna be a girl.
Gideon
Come on, be a man.
dwight
Tell me what in the world?
Gideon
I knew you wouldn't understand.
I'll be the girl.
Blackout.
1.11 - COMMONS
It's dark. Ms. PRIMPLE, NORMA, and MUZA (the goddess of popular music) gather as if for a ritual.
Primple
(darkly)
FROM THE DEEPEST BOWLS OF MOUNT SHEOR, BY THE DARK ARTS OF CRYTHORIUM, SUMMONED SOULS SURRENDER THEIR WILLS, SUCCUMBING TO THE POWERS OF FASHION, POPULARITY, AND SO-CALLED MUSIC …
The lights brighten.
Primple
(brightly)
AT THE EASTWARD HIGH HOMECOMING DANCE!
Students rush in and dance. PRIMPLE and NORMA stand as chaperones. MUZA serves as D.J. DOUG and CYNTHIA are having a great time. KYLE abandons WANDA for JOAN.
Primple
What a lovely retreat
With pearls and sequins all around.
Muza
As they groove to the beat,
Swallowed up in that pounding sound.
Muza, primple
None can fight the magic pow'r
Seizing their bodies ...
Muza
Making them tap
And making them move ...
Primple
Like they were zombies.
Norma
How delightfully normal.
Enter DWIGHT and GIDEON dressed as a girl.
Dwight
This has got to be
The very worst plan you've ever made,
And that's saying something.
Gideon
Have you seen such power on display?
Swaying back and forth all night
Like a possession,
Losing their minds and losing their wills
To dark oppression.
Dwight
Either that
Or maybe it's your first time at a dance.
Enter WANDA.
Wanda
GIDEON.
Don't you think
You'd impress her more
If you put on pants?
Gideon
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
Wanda
And you look simply hideous.
GIDEON
Like you said,
I'm try'ng to stop the gods
From something insideous.
Primple
It's time to cast your votes
For homecoming royalty.
Gideon
(pointing to Ms. PRIMPLE)
I'm inclined
To think she's behind
This evil cloaked in style.
Wanda
I'm not in the mood.
Dwight
Don't mean to be rude,
But what happened to Kyle?
Wanda
We're taking a break.
Gideon
We knew he was a flake.
There's no time for your drama.
I've a plan for the school's sake.
I'll punch her in the gut.
dwight
I somehow have my doubts.
Gideon
And hope that shew blows up.
Wanda
What ever you do,
You can count me out!
WANDA storms off and starts revealing GIDEON's identity to others.
Primple
Do I hear a vote
For Douglas Rock?
The audience cheers (mainly girls).
Primple
Do I hear a vote
For Kyle Slater?
The jocks give an overpowering cheer. KYLE, clearly the winner, takes the stand.
jocks
Break down the door,
Big dawg, big dawg,
Break down the door,
Big dawg.
Primple
Do I hear a vote for
For sweet Joan Cooper?
Cheer.
Primple
Do I hear a vote
For Cynthia McDaniels?
Cheer.
Primple
It's hard to tell.
Are there any other nominations?
Gideon
Nominate me.
Trust me, I've got a hunch.
Dwight
YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.
Gideon
It's my only chance
To get close enough to punch.
DWIGHT
YOU'LL REGRET THIS.
GIDEON
JUST DO IT!
Dwight
I nominate ... UH ...
Rosalinda ... Rollinsworth.
The crowd goes wild, a mix of anger, laughter, mocking, and confusion.
"Hyperventilate"
Primple
WE HAVE A WINNER! OUR NEW HOMECOMING ROYALTY WILL NOW GRACE US WITH THE FIRST SLOW DANCE.
Both GIDEON and KYLE are mortified as the crowd taunts them to dance. Eventually Ms. PRIMPLE subtly pushes them together with supernatural force.
Muza
[Based off of Shakespeare's 130th sonnet]
I cannot compare your eyes to the sun.
Of lips so red
And teeth so white,
I'm afraid that you have none.
Your cheeks are pale,
Your hair like wires.
The way you smell,
I dare not tell.
Let's just say you're acquired.
Still I love to hear you speak.
Though it's nothing at all like music,
It's certainly unique.
I'm not just trying to be modest.
Every step you take,
I feel a quake.
You're nothing like a goddess.
You make me hyperventilate.
And I swear by heaven,
You're more rare
Than any belied by false compare.
You cause my heart to palpitate.
And there's something
About the way you look at me
That messes with my psychology.
kyle
Are you new to the school?
Gideon
(trying to sound feminine)
Why yes I am.
Thanks for asking.
This is really cool.
Why didn't any of the team
Vote for Doug?
Kyle
He used to be
Our fearless leader,
But now I hardly know the thug.
His head is off in some oblivion.
I'm finding he
Is reminding me
Of this crazy nerd named Gideon.
And you know what really
Tips me over?
I can't understand
My right hand man
Betraying the whole order.
I know you do not understand.
Forget that I said any of this.
Gideon
You mean the cult of Sportacus.
Kyle
How did you know that?
Gideon
I'm a believer.
Someone said he crashed and burned.
Kyle
Just you wait.
He will return.
Dwight
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
SHE'S RIGHT THERE!
CYNTHIA
OH MY GOSH. THAT'S GIDEON?
DOUG
AND I THOUGHT I HAD PROBLEMS.
WANDA
COULD TONIGHT GET ANY MORE UNROMANTIC?
Gideon
I'm new to the faith,
So please forgive me
For my ignorance.
Tell me how will he return?
Kyle
Just the same as all the others:
With a flaming sword.
The time is near
When nerds will burn.
And for my loyalty
They'll give thanks
As I rise in power
Through their ranks
Till I'm a god myself.
Gideon
We can be powerful like them?
Kyle
When you think like the do
There's a way to
Power without end.
There's something weird about your hair.
It's falling off.
Gideon
Time to be off.
I have to go over there.
KYLE pulls GIDEON's wig off.
Kyle
YOU.
KYLE attempts to attack GIDEON while GIDEON attempts to attack Ms. PRIMPLE. Ms. PRIMPLE averts GIDEON with supernatural force.
Norma
GIDEON GREENWICH!
GIDEON and DWIGHT run off.
Muza
You make me hyperventilate.
And I swear by heaven,
You're more rare
Than any belied by false compare.
You cause my heart to palpitate.
And there's something
About the way you look at me
That messes with my psychology.
You make me hyperventilate.
And I swear by heaven,
You're more rare
Than any belied by false compare.
You cause my heart to palpitate.
And there's something
About the way you look at me
That messes with my psychology.
Blackout.
1.12 - streets
GIDEON and DWIGHT have run a safe distance from the school. GIDEON takes off the women's clothes.
Gideon
Though not as expected,
I call that success.
I'm certain they're real,
Just as Kyle expressed.
Our time's running out,
Till they take full control.
To free up our minds
Is our glorious goal.
Dwight
Why can't you see
Your conclusions are wrong?
Tell me, I ask you,
What planet you're on?
It was only a dance,
Though I tried to believe.
You've done enough damage.
It's time that I leave.
Exit DWIGHT.
Enter JOAN.
Joan
UM ... DOUG ROCK ASKED ME TO GIVE THIS TO YOU.
JOAN gives GIDEON a note.
Gideon
(reading)
MEET ME AT THE PARK AT AT MIDNIGHT.
Joan
IT WAS NICE KNOWING YOU ... NOT THAT I NEVER KNEW YOU.
Kyle
(off)
BABE, ARE YOU COMING OR WHAT?
Exit JOAN.
Aside, enter WANDA.
Wanda
Abandonded, forsaken,
And feeling like mud.
gideon
How can I stop
When there's fire in my blood?
Wanda
Just take the abuse
And endure till you're free.
Pretend to be
What they want you to be.
Exit WANDA.
Gideon
To listen to conscience
Or buckle to peers?
Can I find the courage
To take on my fears?
Blackout.