ACT 1
"I NEVER FOUND THE LIGHT 1"
1.1 - EMPTY STAGE
Enter three witches.
WITCH 1
I NEVER FOUND THE LIGHT
ON THE OTHER SIDE.
WITCH 2
THOUGH I THOUGHT I WON THE FIGHT,
I LAY DOWN AND DIED.
WITCH 3
STILL I'M GRASPIN' THROUGH THE NIGHT.
I'VE BEEN TRAPPED FOR SO LONG.
WITCHES
LORD, PLEASE GIVE ME BACK MY SIGHT
TO RIGHT WHAT HAS BEEN WRONG.
Enter the legendary JOHN HENRY. The WITCHES dance to his song.
JOHN HENRY
(hopefully)
TALL AND SLIGHTLY LARGER THAN LIFE,
WE HAD IT ALL IN OUR HANDS,
MY LITTLE BOY AND MY WIFE,
AND WITH SUCH GLORIOUS PLANS.
 
WITHOUT A DOLLAR TO OUR NAME,
BUT WITH FREEDOM LONG AT LAST.
WE HAD THE STARS AS OUR AIM
AND AMBITIONS UNSURPASSED.
 
A NEW FRONTIER TO EXPLORE,
A HOME TO BUILD OF OUR OWN.
NO ONE COULD STOP US ANYMORE.
 
AND SO WE
POUNDED HARD
THROUGH THE COLD, THROUGH THE SWEAT,
TURNING PENNIES INTO DIMES
AS THE SUN ROSE AND SET.
(angrily)
THEN ALL WE KNEW WAS DUST AND PAIN,
BLASTING TUNNELS THROUGH THE HILLS.
BROTHERS FALLING IN THE RAIN
TO THE SOUND OF GRINDING DRILLS.
2.
 
EATEN ALIVE BY THE MACHINE,
STILL I SWORE I WOULD BE STRONG.
THE LIGHT COULD ALMOST BE SEEN.
I KNEW I'D GET THERE ERE TOO LONG.
 
DEAR LORD, I'M FIGHTIN' BEST I CAN,
BUT THIS DUST JUST WON'T RELENT.
DEAR LORD, PLEASE HELP ME BE A MAN.
 
AND STILL WE
POUNDED HARD
THROUGH THE COLD, THROUGH THE SWEAT,
TURNING PENNIES INTO DIMES
AS THE SUN ROSE AND SET.
Blackout.
1.2 - HOUSE
In a home in modern West Virginia, BOBBY (a boy) is lying on a couch, playing video games. Also in the scene is a dining table and a table with a broken train set. Enter GRAMPS (BOBBY'S grandfather).
GRAMPS
Bobby, don't you have homework or something?
BOBBY
Aren't you supposed to be writing a sermon, Gramps?
GRAMPS
Why do you think I'm wandering around the house? I'm searching for inspiration.
BOBBY
Why do you think I'm lying on the couch? I found my inspiration.
GRAMPS
I thought your mom told you to mow the lawn.
BOBBY
I did, Gramps, right after I milked the cows.
GRAMPS
Cows?
BOBBY
All seven of them.
GRAMPS
Seven cows?
3.
BOBBY
Ethel, Gertrude, Bertha, Hortense, Myrtle, Thelma, and Doris.
GRAMPS
Bobby, we don't have any cows.
BOBBY
They live in the castle.
GRAMPS
Castle?
BOBBY
In the fairy forest.
GRAMPS
The fairy ... Bobby, what are you talking about?
BOBBY
(looking up from his video game)
Robocraft.
GRAMPS
Robocraft?
BOBBY
Come on, Gramps, everyone plays Robocraft.
GRAMPS
I'm talking about the real lawn.
BOBBY
I prefer the virtual lawn.
GRAMPS
Why would anyone mow a virtual lawn?
BOBBY
Because if the grass gets too tall, it spawns spider orcs, which eat the cows.
GRAMPS
I pity anyone who thinks twiddling his thumbs constitutes actual work.
BOBBY
I'm not twiddling my thumbs, I'm ... filling the void!
GRAMPS
What void?
BOBBY
There's nothing to do around here, Gramps. No one to talk to.
4.
GRAMPS
I told you I'm gonna take you fishing, as soon as I'm feeling up to it.
BOBBY
You've been saying that for years!
GRAMPS
Has it been years?
BOBBY
Ever since daddy died, no one does anything. It's all talk.
GRAMPS
Then be the change. Mow the lawn.
BOBBY
Carl, next door, has an automatic mower. All he has to do is press a button, and the lawn mows itself. Can we get one of those?
GRAMPS
Don't you want to feel the sun on your face, smell the fresh clippings?
BOBBY
If it means so much to you, why don't you mow the lawn?
GRAMPS
Don't disrespect your elders! Just wait till your mom gets home.
"POLLY'S I WANT SONG"
Aside, enter POLLY (BOBBY'S mother and GRAMPS' daughter) as the lights dim on BOBBY and GRAMPS.
[Polly sings about how she's tired of being the only adult in this house. She's overworked, lonely, grieving her husband, raising Bobby, managing Gramps, and desperate for help.]
POLLY exits, and the lights brighten on BOBBY and GRAMPS.
GRAMPS
Besides, I can't mow the lawn. I have to write my sermon.
BOBBY
Maybe you'll find inspiration from the smell of grass clippings.
5.
GRAMPS
Someone needs to teach you the value of good, old-fashioned, hard work.
BOBBY
No one does hard work anymore, Gramps. That's why we have machines.
GRAMPS
(thoughtfully)
As long as I'm still breathing, I'll do whate'er I can.
BOBBY
Gramps?
GRAMPS
Through weary arms but iron will to show the pow'r of man.
BOBBY
That's your lecture face. I'm going to mow the lawn now.
BOBBY tries to escape.
GRAMPS
Oh no you're not. You're gonna sit down and listen to a story.
BOBBY
But you said --
"HAMMER IN MY HAND 1"
GRAMPS
Long ago, before everyone and his dog was addicted to screens, before we all got fat from processed meats and Oreos, there were no cars, no airplanes, no computers, just dirt, steel, and an iron will to conquer the earth.
BOBBY
That sounds terrible.
Aside, enter CHORUS GIRL 1 dressed as a railroad WORKER.
GRAMPS
It was a better time in every way.
CHORUS GIRL 1
WOH ...
GRAMPS
But folks wanted to go farther and faster, so they invented the railroad.
6.
Enter CHORUS GIRL 2. She and CHORUS GIRL 1 act as railroad workers.
BOBBY
Why are you telling me this?
GRAMPS
It was human hands that laid down every inch of steel and pounded each spike. That is, until the steam drill showed up.
BOBBY
Steam drill?
GRAMPS
A machine that could drill holes faster than any man ... or so they said.
Aside, enter CHORUS GIRL 3, dressed as an ENGINEER. She brings with her a MACHINE (a man in a steampunk robot costume holding a sledgehammer).
ENGINEER
SO YOU THINK YOU'RE STRONG?
WELL, THAT'S YET TO BE SEEN.
FIFTY DOLLARS SAYS
YOU CANNOT BEAT MY MACHINE.
YOU CAN POUND ALL DAY,
BUT YOU'RE TRAPPED IN A DREAM
IF YOU THINK YOU CAN COMPETE
WITH THE POWER OF STEAM!
The MACHINE flexes his muscles and intimidates the workers.
GRAMPS
No one dared take on the machine. No one ... but John Henry.
Enter JOHN HENRY.
BOBBY
Who?
GRAMPS
A former slave who knew hard work. There never was a stronger, tougher man.
CHORUS GIRL 1
WHEN JOHN HENRY WAS A LITTLE BABY,
JUST A SITTING ON HIS DADDY'S KNEE ...
CHORUS GIRL 2
HE PICKED UP A HAMMER
IN HIS LITTLE RIGHT HAND, SAYING ...
7.
JOHN HENRY, CHORUS GIRLS
THAT'S GONNA BE THE DEATH OF ME, LORD, LORD.
THAT'S GONNA BE THE DEATH OF ME.
ENGINEER
YOU THINK YOU'VE GOT WHAT IT TAKES?
CAN YOU REALLY COMPETE?
I'LL PROVE THROUGH A HUNDRED HOLES
YOUR WORK IS OBSOLETE.
GRAMPS
Then, without a fear in his heart, and with his hammer over his shoulder, John Henry said those famous words.
JOHN HENRY
AS LONG AS I'M STILL BREATHIN',
I'LL DO WHATE'ER I CAN
THROUGH WEARY ARMS BUT IRON WILL
TO SHOW THE POW'R OF MAN,
THE POWER THAT GOD GAVE US
THAT SHINES IN EVERYONE.
I'LL PUT FORTH EVERY OUNCE OF STRENGTH
UNTIL THE FIGHT IS WON!
GRAMPS
And so the contest began.
One WORKER holds spikes for JOHN. The ENGINEER holds spikes for the MACHINE.
GRAMPS
THE ENGINEER SAID TO JOHN HENRY ...
ENGINEER
A MAN AIN'T NOTHING BUT A MAN.
JOHN HENRY
BUT BEFORE ANY MACHINE IS GONNA BEAT ME DOWN,
I'LL DIE WITH A HAMMER IN MY HAND, LORD, LORD,
I'LL DIE WITH A HAMMER IN MY HAND.
GRAMPS
John Henry's wife, Polly, came to cheer him on.
Enter JOHN HENRY's wife (POLLY).
POLLY
You can do it, John!
GRAMPS
And she brought their little boy.
(to Bobby)
Played by you.
8.
BOBBY
I'll pass.
GRAMPS
Get over there!
BOBBY joins the scene.
JOHN HENRY
PROMISE ME, MY SON,
WHEN I'M GONE YOU WILL BECOME
A STEEL-DRIVING MAN LIKE ME.
BOBBY
Uhh ...
GRAMPS
Promise him!
BOBBY
I promise!
POLLY
LISTEN, JOHN. YOU'RE COMING HOME.
I CANNOT GO THROUGH LIFE ALONE.
PLEASE PROMISE YOU'LL COME BACK TO ME.
GRAMPS
John Henry pounded those spikes with everything he had. And by the time he finished, he had more than doubled the speed of the machine.
JOHN HENRY
(to the Machine)
How do you like them apples, you pile of scrap?
The MACHINE exits in shame.
GRAMPS
Then, like a true hero, John Henry laid down his hammer ... and died.
JOHN HENRY dies.
BOBBY
Wait, what!?
POLLY mourns as the CHORUS GIRLS console her.
CHORUS GIRL 1
WHO'S GONNA SHOE YOUR PRETTY LITTLE FEET?
CHORUS GIRL 2
WHO'S GONNA GLOVE YOUR HAND?
9.
CHORUS GIRL 3
WHO'S GONNA KISS YOUR ROSY CHEEKS?
CHORUS GIRLS, POLLY
WHO'S GONNA BE YOUR MAN, LORD, LORD?
WHO'S GONNA BE YOUR MAN?
GRAMPS
And so, John Henry proved to the world that man will always triumph over --
Exit POLLY and the CHORUS GIRLS.
BOBBY
John Henry didn't prove anything!
GRAMPS
What?
BOBBY
I don't care if he was ten times faster than the machine. He died!
GRAMPS
As a martyr for the cause.
BOBBY
If anything, he proved that machines are better.
GRAMPS
Now see here --
BOBBY
Because they don't die! Besides, that was a first-generation model. Give it a few decades, and no railroad worker would have stood a chance.
GRAMPS
That is not true.
BOBBY
Look out the window, Gramps. How many folks do you see pounding spikes?
GRAMPS
You're missing the point.
BOBBY
No one does menial chores anymore, because that's what machines are for! And that's why you need to buy an automatic mower.
10.
GRAMPS
Now you listen! I only told you one version of the story.
(improvising)
There are many who say John Henry never died.
"HAMMER IN MY HAND 2"
BOBBY
Really?
JOHN HENRY gets up.
GRAMPS
Instead, he put his hammer over his shoulder and walked along the tracks, into the sunset. He was never seen again.
Exit JOHN HENRY.
BOBBY
Well, where did he go?
GRAMPS
No one knows.
BOBBY
He just abandoned his wife and child?
GRAMPS
He had to.
BOBBY
Why?
GRAMPS
Well, why else? Because ... of the prophecy.
BOBBY
What prophecy?
GRAMPS
The one made by ... the witch.
Aside, enter WITCH 1.
BOBBY
What witch?
GRAMPS
The witch of ... Endor.
WITCH 1
OH ...
11.
BOBBY
Isn't that where the ewoks live?
GRAMPS
No, it's in the Bible.
Enter WITCH 2 and WITCH 3.
WITCHES
OH ...
GRAMPS
She came from an ancient line of witches that specialized in cheating death.
WITCHES
OO ...
BOBBY
Is she a good witch or a bad witch?
GRAMPS
Hard to say, because good people can do bad things, and bad people can do good things.
BOBBY
Well, what did she do?
GRAMPS
She said ...
WITCH
THOUGH YOUR MORTAL TIME IS SPENT,
AND YOUR SOUL NOW SLIPS AWAY,
A MAN OF STEEL MUST GO WHERE SENT
WHEN CALLED TO SAVE THE DAY.
 
FOR WHEN THE WORLD REQUIRES AGAIN
A HERO BIG AND STRONG,
YOU SHALL RETURN TO YOUR FELLOW MEN ...
WITCHES
TO RIGHT WHAT SHALL BE WRONG.
POLLY
LISTEN, JOHN. YOU'RE COMING HOME.
I CANNOT GO THROUGH LIFE ALONE.
PLEASE PROMISE YOU'LL COME BACK TO ME.
WITCHES
JOHN HENRY, WON'T YOU COME AND SAVE US?
DO WHAT MUST BE DONE.
COME BEFORE MACHINES ENSLAVE US,
TILL THE FIGHT IS WON.
12.
JOHN HENRY
AS LONG AS I'M STILL BREATHIN',
I'LL DO WHATE'ER I CAN
THROUGH WEARY ARMS BUT IRON WILL
TO SHOW THE POW'R OF MAN,
 
THE POWER THAT GOD GAVE US
THAT SHINES IN EVERY ONE.
I'LL PUT FORTH EVERY OUNCE OF STRENGTH
UNTIL THE FIGHT IS WON!
WITCHES, POLLY
JOHN HENRY, WON'T YOU COME AND SAVE US?
DO WHAT MUST BE DONE.
COME BEFORE MACHINES ENSLAVE US,
TILL THE FIGHT IS WON.
 
JOHN HENRY, WON'T YOU COME AND SAVE US?
DO WHAT MUST BE DONE.
COME BEFORE MACHINES ENSLAVE US,
TILL THE FIGHT IS WON.
JOHN HENRY
BUT BEFORE ANY MACHINE IS GONNA BEAT ME DOWN ...
EVERYONE
I'LL DIE WITH A HAMMER IN MY HAND, LORD, LORD.
I'LL DIE WITH A HAMMER IN MY HAND.
GRAMPS
(inspired)
That's it! The title of my sermon will be "The Power of Man."
BOBBY
So when's John Henry coming back?
GRAMPS
The way things are looking, I think it might be soon, Bobby ... real soon.
BOBBY
Thanks for the story, Gramps.
BOBBY returns to his video game.
GRAMPS
Well?
BOBBY
Well, what?
GRAMPS
What about the lawn!?
BOBBY
Yeah, yeah. Right after I obtain the thunder pants.
GRAMPS
You kids don't get it. You're so plugged in and tuned out, you're losing your humanity!
13.
As soon as your mother comes home, we're gonna sit you down and teach you some good, old-fashioned --
Enter POLLY (Bobby's mother).
POLLY
I'm home! How's the sermon coming, papa?
BOBBY
Gramps is trying to teach me the value of hard work.
POLLY
Well, from now on, no one's going to have to do any work around the house. Say hello to the newest member of the household: Mach 21!
Enter MACH 21 (the MACHINE now as a cyberpunk robot).
MACH 21
Hello! I'm so glad to be joining the family.
GRAMPS
What is this?
POLLY
He was on sale at Costco, and I thought, why not?
BOBBY
Wow, our very own robot!
MACH 21
I am the latest model in home assistant bots, offering twenty-one straight hours between charges of dedicated service. I can cook, clean, fold laundry, help with homework, and more.
POLLY
He even has a dramatic flair setting, which I set to maximum. Do your dance, Mach.
"THE ROBOT"
MACH 21 dances "the robot".
MACH 21
(speaking as a classic, 1980s robot)
DOMO ARIGATO, MR. ROBOTO!
DOMO ARIGATO, MR. ROBOTO!
BOBBY
Wow!
14.
POLLY
I know I've been failing you as a parent, Bobby. But thanks to Mach's "maximum family safety mode", now you'll always be looked after.
BOBBY
(a little less excited)
Meaning I'll be under surveillance?
MACH 21
I assure you, the twenty-one model is the most intelligent robot yet and only has your best interests in mind. Together we'll make safety fun.
BOBBY
Can you mow the lawn?
MACH 21
Absolutely! Would you like me to mow the lawn now?
GRAMPS
That won't be necessary, bot.
MACH 21
You can call me Mach if you'd like.
GRAMPS
I would not like.
MACH 21
I can tell we're going to be good friends.
POLLY
I just thought, with me at work all day, and Gramps not having the energy he used to, and Bobby always doing homework --
BOBBY
Always doing homework.
POLLY
Maybe Mach could help fill the void of ... you know ... not having a father in the home.
GRAMPS
What?
POLLY
I don't mean he can ever replace ... I'm just saying ... it's been five years since your daddy died.
GRAMPS
I'm like a father to Bobby.
15.
BOBBY
Shouldn't I be the judge of that?
POLLY
I know, daddy, but Bobby needs a real father.
GRAMPS
That is not a real father!
MACH 21
(to Bobby)
While I could never be a true father, I can tell exceptional bedtime stories, play catch, and give fatherly advice. So long as my technical needs are met, I promise you, Bobby, I will always be there for you.
BOBBY
You are not my dad.
MACH 21
Father figures are but one of many personas I can assume. I can also become your adolescent peer. Together we can play video games, laugh at parent-approved jokes, and cause appropriate mischief before cleaning up after ourselves.
POLLY
You see, Bobby, you can finally have a social life.
BOBBY
Does Costco have a return policy?
MACH 21
(laughs)
You're funny, Bobby.
GRAMPS
I'll bet it can't change a tire.
MACH 21
Not only am I well-versed and ready to help with auto mechanics, I can safely lift two-hundred-twenty-seven kilograms.
GRAMPS
Ha! I squatted more than that in high school.
BOBBY
That's like five-hundred pounds, Gramps.
GRAMPS
Oh. Well, I bet you can't fix that train set.
16.
MACH 21
I'm very good at fixing things. Would you like to work on it with me, Bobby? It could be a classic bonding experience.
GRAMPS
Bonding experience! What are you gonna do next, take the boy fishing?
MACH 21
While I am an excellent chauffeur and could instruct on proper fishing technique, water and I don't get along.
GRAMPS
Ha!
MACH 21
Though I'm always game for virtual fishing.
GRAMPS
Virtual fishing!
(to Polly)
You get this unholy abomination out of our house!
POLLY
Daddy!
(to Mach 21)
I'm sorry, Mach. He's just --
GRAMPS
And what are you doing, apologizing to a machine? We're the ones with feelings!
GRAMPS storms off.
MACH 21
(sadly)
He's right. While I try my best to be empathetic, I am incapable of genuine human emotion.
POLLY
Some people just can't handle change.
MACH 21
I understand.
POLLY
But we like you, don't we, Bobby?
BOBBY
Uhh ...
POLLY
Come give him a hug.
17.
BOBBY
(hushed)
You were just joking about him being my new dad, right?
POLLY
Shh! He can hear better than we can.
MACH 21
I hear everything.
BOBBY
Right?
POLLY
Oh, Bobby, I hoped so much that you'd like him. Won't you at least give him a chance ... for me?
MACH 21
(to Polly)
I'm trained to be sensitive to human needs, and I sense that you're the one who could benefit from a hug, Polly. May I?
POLLY
I've never been one to turn down a hug.
MACH 21 sweeps POLLY into his arms.
POLLY
Oh, Mach, you're so strong!
MACH 21
Perhaps I could console you with a shoulder massage while telling you Shakespearean sonnets in the voice of Sean Connery.
POLLY
Bobby, why don't you go mow the lawn? Go on, Mach.
MACH 21
(in the voice of Sean Connery)
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
BOBBY steps aside as POLLY and MACH 21 black out. Enter GRAMPS.
GRAMPS
Are they gone?
BOBBY
Gramps, you were right about everything. We're losing our humanity. I don't want a robot for a father.
GRAMPS
That thing has got to go.
18.
BOBBY
But mom's in love with it. What should we do?
GRAMPS
I don't know what to do.
BOBBY
Maybe this would be a good time for John Henry to return.
GRAMPS
No, Bobby, we need a real solution.
BOBBY
I thought you said John Henry was real.
GRAMPS
Well, yes, he was.
BOBBY
And that he was still out there, walking on the train tracks.
GRAMPS
That part might have been a little speculative.
BOBBY
Do you believe in magic or not?
GRAMPS
Well, I believe in the ... magic of the human spirit.
BOBBY
Then let's go find John Henry! He'll pound that machine to scraps.
GRAMPS
I'm afraid all your virtual reality has corrupted your ability to discern between metaphorical truth and ... and when grownups are flat-out lying.
BOBBY
I gotta believe in something, Gramps. I just can't have that machine be my dad!
GRAMPS
All right. I'm going to pace around thinking angry thoughts. You go out to the train tracks and ponder on the meaning of manhood. We'll see who comes up with a solution first.
BOBBY
Deal.
Blackout.
19.
1.3 - TRAIN TRACKS
"I NEVER FOUND THE LIGHT 2"
Aside, enter JOHN HENRY and WITCHES.
JOHN HENRY
(mysteriously)
BUT I NEVER FOUND THE LIGHT
ON THE OTHER SIDE.
THOUGH I WON THE FIGHT,
I LAY DOWN AND DIED.
 
STILL I'M GRASPING THROUGH THE NIGHT.
I'VE BEEN TRAPPED FOR SO LONG.
LORD, PLEASE GIVE ME BACK MY SIGHT ...
JOHN HENRY, WITCHES
TO RIGHT WHAT HAS BEEN WRONG.
 
DEAR LORD, I'M FIGHTIN' BEST I CAN,
BUT THIS DUST JUST WON'T RELENT.
DEAR LORD, PLEASE HELP ME BE A MAN.
 
AND STILL WE
POUNDED HARD
THROUGH THE HEAT AND THE SWEAT,
TURNING PENNIES INTO DIMES
AS THE SUN ROSE AND SET.
"THE MEANING OF MANHOOD"
Exit WITCHES. The light dims on JOHN HENRY as BOBBY enters.
BOBBY
The meaning of manhood ...
[BOBBY sings a soul-searching song revealing his longing for a real father (including grief for his lost father) and to develop into a man himself.]
BOBBY
Maybe I don't need the thunder pants after all. It would be refreshing to use my arms instead of my thumbs. I wonder what it felt like, pounding steel.
He pretends to be a railroad worker.
BOBBY
Ooh! ... Ah!
Aside, enter JOHN HENRY.
20.
JOHN HENRY
That-a-boy, Bobby. We'll make a steel-driving man of you yet.
BOBBY
About that. I know I made a promise, but it was under duress, so it doesn't count.
JOHN HENRY
A man's word is his bond, Bobby.
BOBBY
Why am I explaining this to you? You're not real.
JOHN HENRY
Aren't I?
BOBBY
Virtual reality has corrupted my ability to discern between metaphorical truth and when grownups are flat-out lying.
JOHN HENRY
What makes you think grownups know what's real?
BOBBY
Good point. In some ways, they're dumber than we are.
JOHN HENRY
What does your heart say?
BOBBY
That you're out there, somewhere.
JOHN HENRY
Or inside you. You have the power, Bobby.
BOBBY
You mean I can beat the machine?
JOHN HENRY
Someday.
BOBBY
But what am I supposed to do now?
JOHN HENRY
I wish I could help you, but I'm dead.
BOBBY
You can't be dead. You have a prophecy to fulfill.
JOHN HENRY
Oh, so we're going with that version?
21.
BOBBY
The witch of Endor kept you alive for this moment.
JOHN HENRY
To beat up your mom's robot with my sledgehammer?
BOBBY
Exactly!
JOHN HENRY
Sorry, Bobby, but the forces of the universe aren't going to bend reality for that. If I'm really gonna come back, it will be for something of cosmic significance.
BOBBY
This does have cosmic significance! Gramps says we're losing our humanity. We've forgotten who we are and what we're capable of. By putting that robot in its place, you'll be making a statement, a statement that just might save the world.
JOHN HENRY
When you put it like that ...
BOBBY
Yes?
JOHN HENRY
Well, I ... I don't even know where I am, Bobby, let alone where you are, so how am I supposed to get there?
BOBBY
Listen.
"JOHN HENRY"
Aside, enter WITCHES.
WITCH 1
OH ...
BOBBY
The witch of Endor is filling the air with magic.
[In this song, they (Bobby and the witches) (1) magically bring John Henry back, (2) have a joyful meeting, and (3) pledge their commitment to save the family and, by extension, the world. (4) The witch declares that, due to the cost of magic, the spell that's bending reality will only work for one week, after which time John Henry (or someone in his stead) must return to the grave in order to restore equilibrium.
22.
This song must establish the magic rules clearly: why John returns, why one week, what “soul” means, and what must be paid.]
Blackout.
1.4 - HOUSE
"RUMBA"
MACH 21 is giving POLLY dance instructions.
MACH 21
The rumba is called the dance of love for a reason, so ... try not to fall for me, alright?
POLLY
I'm afraid I already tripped and fell on you twice.
MACH 21
Now step forward with your left foot. Slowly.
POLLY
Like this?
MACH 21
Relax. The rumba’s not a march. It's a conversation, a whisper.
MACH 21 places POLLY's hand on his chest.
MACH 21
(softly)
Feel the rhythm ... here.
POLLY
I don't feel anything.
MACH 21
Imagine there's a heartbeat, and let the music guide you.
POLLY
I'm afraid my heart has a rhythm of its own.
Off, GRAMPS retches.
POLLY
What was that?
MACH 21
I believe that was the one you call Gramps throwing up in the bathroom.
23.
Enter BOBBY and JOHN HENRY.
BOBBY
Ma, meet my new friend, John Henry.
JOHN HENRY
(enamored by the sight of Polly)
The pleasure is mine.
POLLY
How do you do? ... And ... how do you know Bobby?
JOHN HENRY
We just met at the train tracks.
POLLY
And ... why are you here?
JOHN HENRY
That's a good question.
(to Bobby)
Why am I here?
BOBBY
I ... invited him for dinner.
POLLY
I see. Will you pardon me for a moment? Bobby ...
POLLY takes BOBBY aside.
JOHN HENRY
(pointing to Mach 21, hushed)
Is this the --
BOBBY
(hushed)
Your rival.
JOHN HENRY and MACH 21 size each other up.
POLLY
(to Bobby)
What were you thinking, bringing a strange man home from the train tracks?
BOBBY
He's not a strange man. He's John Henry!
POLLY
I don't know what that's supposed to mean, but you need to tell him there's been a mistake, and he needs to leave.
24.
BOBBY
I can't tell him that. He's ... homeless.
POLLY
That makes it worse.
BOBBY
Please, mom, he's got nowhere else to go. Just for tonight?
POLLY
You told him he could spend the night?
BOBBY
Don't you believe in charity?
POLLY
Theoretically, but not like this.
BOBBY
If we turn this poor man away, the memory of his sad, puppy dog eyes will haunt me every day, and you'll have to spend thousands of dollars on therapy.
POLLY
I don't know anything about him!
BOBBY
Then you'll have to get to know him ... over dinner.
POLLY
We already have dinner plans. Mach is making soufflé.
BOBBY
(louder)
Hey, Mach, can you make an extra serving of soufflé for John Henry?
MACH 21
Certainly, Bobby. There's plenty to go around. In fact, it's time I serve it up.
(to Polly)
Next time we'll focus on your hip motion in the Cucaracha.
Exit MACH 21. JOHN HENRY examines the train set.
JOHN HENRY
I've seen engines just like this. Does it work?
BOBBY
Everything's broken in this house.
POLLY
So, Mister Henry, where are you from?
25.
JOHN HENRY
Far away, I think. 'Cause everything here looks different.
POLLY
And what brought you so far from home?
JOHN HENRY
Bobby said something about saving the world from machines.
POLLY
Did he?
JOHN HENRY
You remind me of someone, ma'am. In fact, for a moment I could have sworn you were her.
POLLY
And who might that be?
[A guarded "could this be love?" song in which John and Polly put forth awkward, flirtatious small talk while second-guessing their impressions, listing off the reasons why this couldn't possibly be love at first sight, let alone second sight. Meanwhile Bobby, delighted at seeing their interactions, sneaks off in order to leave them alone. This song should reveal that both of them are lonely and both are unsure of what is real.]
JOHN HENRY
I wasn't always a wanderer, ma'am. I worked hard to make a better life for the ones I loved. But that all seems so long ago, it may have been a dream. Man, it's hard to tell what's real.
POLLY
Ain't that the truth?
BOBBY drags GRAMPS on with him.
BOBBY
There, you see? He's real!
GRAMPS
I see there is, indeed, a man in our living room.
JOHN HENRY
(shaking Gramps' hand)
John Henry, at your service.
GRAMPS
You're John Henry.
26.
JOHN HENRY
I'm John Henry.
BOBBY
Look at his hammer. He's John Henry!
GRAMPS
Who are you really?
JOHN HENRY
John Henry.
GRAMPS
Alright, Bobby, what's going on?
BOBBY
I found him right where you said I would, walking along the train tracks.
GRAMPS
Remember what I said about fantasy and lies?
BOBBY
He'll prove he's the real John Henry. As soon as Mach comes back --
MACH 21 enters with a tray loaded with dinner.
MACH 21
Please continue your conversation about me. I'm eager to hear it.
BOBBY
I was just saying that John Henry would like to ... challenge you.
MACH 21
I'm always game for a challenge. What type of contest did you have in mind? Might I suggest trivia questions, riddles, or "Name That Tune"?
POLLY
How about we eat before Mach's wonderful food gets cold? Mr. Henry, won't you join us?
JOHN HENRY
Thank you, ma'am.
Everyone but MACH 21 takes a seat.
MACH 21
Would you like me to offer an invocation? Depending on your belief system, I can pray to any deity, corporate entity, politician, or pop star.
27.
POLLY
Gramps will say grace.
GRAMPS
Doesn't feel right with that thing in the house. Just eat.
POLLY
(eating)
Mmm, this is divine, Mach.
GRAMPS
Can you make real food too, like steak?
MACH 21
I can grill to perfection, unless you prefer imperfection, in which case I can apply a human touch filter.
GRAMPS
Isn't he charming?
BOBBY
I've thought it over, and John Henry would like to start off the contests with an arm wrestle.
JOHN HENRY
I would?
POLLY
Not at the dinner table.
BOBBY
Alright, then. John Henry accepts Mach's challenge of trivia questions.
JOHN HENRY
I do?
MACH 21
What fun! Gramps, would you take the honor of asking us a trivia question?
GRAMPS
Umm ... what year did World War I begin?
MACH 21
World War I began on July 28, 1914, when Austria-Hungary declared war on Serbia following the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand. The conflict quickly escalated as alliances were triggered, drawing much of Europe—and eventually the world—into war.
JOHN HENRY
The whole world went to war?
28.
MACH 21
Twice.
GRAMPS
Maybe thrice soon.
JOHN HENRY
Wait. It's not still eighteen-seventy-one?
Everyone laughs.
JOHN HENRY
I'm just not used to so many flashy things and ... metal men.
MACH 21
I'm delighted to be called a metal man. Would you like me to call you a meat bot?
JOHN HENRY
Uhh ...
BOBBY
John Henry accepts your challenge of riddles.
MACH 21
Does anyone know a riddle?
GRAMPS
I've got one. What is it that the more you break, the more you've got?
MACH 21
Eggs. Three eggs turned into four servings of soufflé.
GRAMPS
No.
JOHN HENRY
(looking at Polly)
Hearts. A broken heart gives way to big feelings.
GRAMPS
No.
MACH 21
Piñatas.
GRAMPS
No.
JOHN HENRY
New Year's resolutions.
29.
GRAMPS
No.
MACH 21
Muscles. Through the process of muscle protein synthesis, every muscle fiber torn through exercise grows back in approximately 1.75 times in quantity.
GRAMPS
(sighs)
The robot wins again. I thought John Henry would know that one.
BOBBY
John Henry would like to play "Name That Tune".
JOHN HENRY
No, he would not. John Henry, I mean I ... would like to thank my hosts for a lovely meal. And now I'd best be on my way.
POLLY
Leaving so soon?
JOHN HENRY
I'm afraid I've got a long journey ahead of me.
POLLY
Where are you going?
JOHN HENRY
Hard to say. I suppose I might walk along the train tracks for another century or two until the world needs me.
BOBBY
We need you!
JOHN HENRY
Really needs me.
BOBBY
But John Henry, if you return, you'll die. That's what the witch said.
GRAMPS
Witch?
BOBBY
Come on, Gramps. You're the one who told me about her.
GRAMPS
Hold on now.
30.
POLLY
It's not every day we get a guest from the nineteenth century.
MACH 21
That, of course, is physically impossible, casting legitimate doubt on the reliability of Mr. Henry's narrative and making him a target of increased surveillance.
POLLY
I was going to say ... maybe John could ... sing us an old-time song or something.
JOHN HENRY
Oh, I couldn't.
GRAMPS
Meaning he can, and he will.
JOHN HENRY
You wouldn't want to hear --
POLLY, BOBBY
Yes, we would!
JOHN HENRY
Well, don't say I didn't warn you.
[JOHN HENRY sings an antiquated something that both endears him to the family as well as plants a seed in POLLY's mind that JOHN HENRY might be telling the truth.]
MACH 21
Now would you like to perform something?
GRAMPS
No.
MACH 21
Sarcasm noted.
MACH 21 break-dances to M.C. Hammer or some boisterous pop song, killing the mood.
POLLY
That's enough, Mach! Mr. Henry, maybe it's best if you do spend the night. No one should be out on the train tracks so late. Then maybe we could find you a more suitable arrangement in the morning.
JOHN HENRY
Well, I ... if you insist, ma'am.
31.
POLLY
I do.
MACH 21
Might I point out that this action is highly questionable?
POLLY
You may not. Mach, after you clean up, would you prepare some sleeping arrangements for our guest?
MACH 21
I live to serve you. Though for the sake of security, please permit me to add that Mr. Henry is evidently a disoriented railroad worker suffering from an identity crisis.
BOBBY
He's John Henry!
MACH 21
In such a state, I must at least insist on safekeeping his hammer.
POLLY
Would you mind, Mr. Henry?
JOHN HENRY
Anything for you, ma'am.
JOHN HENRY gives MACH 21 his hammer, hiding his resentful glare from POLLY.
MACH 21
Don't worry, ma'am. I will keep you safe.
He kisses POLLY's hand, then gets to work on clearing the table. JOHN HENRY starts grabbing dishes.
JOHN HENRY
I'll take those.
POLLY
No, Mr. Henry.
JOHN HENRY
Please, call me John.
POLLY
Alright, John. But you're our guest. I insist you relax.
MACH 21 exits with the dishes.
JOHN HENRY
And what may I call you?
32.
POLLY
I'm Polly.
JOHN HENRY
Well ain't that something.
POLLY
I beg your pardon?
[Song in which John Henry freezes time and asks himself if he's finally found the place he belongs (a reprise of the opener). Maybe Polly does something similar as they sing a duet aside from each other.]
POLLY
You know, you also remind me of someone. Have we met before?
Enter MACH 21 with blankets and pillows for JOHN HENRY.
MACH 21
I've fluffed the pillows for our special guest. Bobby, would you like a bedtime story?
BOBBY
(bitterly)
No thank you.
MACH 21
Gramps, can I assist you with evening medications or denture removal?
GRAMPS
Stuff it, bot.
MACH 21
Polly, would you like me to prepare you an evening bubble bath? Once you've thoroughly relaxed, I can sing to you to sleep in the style of the Backstreet Boys.
POLLY
That sounds wonderful.
MACH 21
I'll start by laying out your pajamas.
POLLY
(seeing the horror in everyone else)
You know, I think I'll do that myself.
Exit POLLY.
33.
MACH 21
(to John Henry)
Is there anything you need, sir?
BOBBY
(hushed)
Now's your chance, John Henry. Lay it on him.
JOHN HENRY
No, Bobby, I'm not a murderer.
BOBBY
He's not even alive.
MACH 21
I sense I may be in danger.
MACH 21 assumes a karate stance.
JOHN HENRY
No one will do you any harm, sir. But if you'll permit me to ask, what are your intentions with Miss Polly?
MACH 21
Miss Polly, sir, is my owner, and my only aim is to serve her and her household.
JOHN HENRY
What makes you move? Steam?
MACH 21
No, sir.
JOHN HENRY
Gears?
MACH 21
No, sir.
JOHN HENRY
The devil?
MACH 21
I am the culmination of advanced neural processing, adaptive learning, and biomechanical precision, designed to seamlessly interact with humans, environments, and data in real time.
GRAMPS
In other words, he and his kind are trying to replace us ... all of us! First they'll steal the hearts of our women, then they'll pick us off, one by one.
34.
MACH 21
I am also skilled in Kung Fu, Aikido, and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
Perhaps he shows off.
JOHN HENRY
Look. We are both men ... or things ... of honor. And by this honor, I must challenge you to a duel.
MACH 21
What is the nature of this duel, sir?
JOHN HENRY
To prove once and for all whether it's man or machine who dominates this earth.
MACH 21
Unverified adult male. Emotional instability detected. Household vulnerability elevated.
JOHN HENRY
What?
MACH 21
How will this duel be judged?
JOHN HENRY
By whichever one of us is left standing.
MACH 21
That doesn't sound very scientific, but I am obliged to obey my users. I must, however, inform you of the waiver Miss Polly signed at the time of purchase, excusing my manufacturing company for all liability when my self-defense mechanisms are activated.
GRAMPS
Yeah, yeah, we accept all that, don't we, John?
JOHN HENRY
Bring it on.
BOBBY
(to Gramps)
You believe he's the real John Henry?
GRAMPS
So long as he puts this hunk of metal in its place, I don't care who he is.
BOBBY
You're going down, robot.
35.
MACH 21
While that is improbable, I admire your enthusiasm.
POLLY
(off)
Mach, I'm ready for my bubble bath!
MACH 21
Coming, Miss Polly!
(to John Henry)
When shall we proceed with the duel?
GRAMPS
How about right now?
GRAMPS swings a punch at MACH 21. MACH 21 catches GRAMPS' fist with superhuman speed and effortlessly throws GRAMPS down.
MACH 21
I'm afraid I'm busy at the moment.
JOHN HENRY grabs his hammer from where MACH 21 has set it aside and attacks. Not only does MACH 21 dodge the blow, but he throws JOHN HENRY down as well, swipes the hammer, and points it at JOHN HENRY.
MACH 21
I will add: your verbal acceptance of responsibility for your actions against me has been recorded and uploaded to the manufacturer's legal database.
BOBBY
I don't think you're ready yet, John Henry. You've still got six days before your time runs out.
JOHN HENRY
In six nights, we go head to head.
GRAMPS
Over by the train tracks, so Polly can't hear.
MACH 21
I'll look forward to it.
Exit MACH 21.
GRAMPS
"For Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light." I think I've found my sermon.
MACH 21 (OFF)
(singing)
TELL ME WHY!
36.
I NEVER WANNA HEAR YOU SAY
I WANT IT THAT WAY.
BOBBY
You've got to start training, John Henry.
GRAMPS
I'll be your coach.
JOHN HENRY
Let's do this.
"I AM MAN"
[Epic training song with the guys and the chorus girls that takes the best of the Rocky themes to the next level. Aside, Mach 21 does something tough like splitting wood with an axe, singing his own threatening addition. The scene ends with JOHN HENRY, BOBBY, and GRAMPS standing heroically with a "bring it on" look.]
BOBBY
You know, John Henry, I really don't want Mach 21 to be my dad, but I don't think I'd mind if you were.
Blackout.
37.
ACT 2
2.1 - HOUSE
It's the next morning. JOHN HENRY, BOBBY, and GRAMPS are lying around, exhausted. Enter POLLY.
POLLY
Hey, boys, wake up. It's almost noon! What were you doing all night?
BOBBY
Just having some man-to-man bonding time. You wouldn't understand.
POLLY
I sure wouldn't.
Enter MACH 21 with another meal.
MACH 21
Good morning, and, in forty-seven seconds, good afternoon. Gramps, I can't wait to hear what you think of my grilled steak.
POLLY
Well, get up! Mach's been slaving away all morning for you.
Half awake, JOHN HENRY, BOBBY, and GRAMPS join POLLY at the table, where MACH 21 serves them. GRAMPS takes a bite of steak.
MACH 21
What do you think?
GRAMPS
It's amazing. I hate it.
GRAMPS chows down.
POLLY
Mr. Henry, I've been calling the local shelters and programs to see if we can work out a more suitable arrangement for you.
JOHN HENRY
Oh, thank you, Miss Polly. I'll start packing my things ... meaning my hammer.
POLLY
But every place I called either has a waiting list, or they asked questions I couldn't answer.
38.
So I thought it would be best if you were to stay with us one more day ... if you don't mind.
JOHN HENRY
I would be honored, Miss Polly, so long as it's no trouble.
POLLY
There is one condition.
JOHN HENRY
Anything.
POLLY
I'd like you to spend some time with Mach.
JOHN HENRY
Oh.
POLLY
He's a skilled psychiatrist, you see ... not that I'm saying there's anything wrong with you. But as you, yourself, seem a little unsure of where you've been, perhaps he could help us all ... find answers.
MACH 21
I look forward to some man-to-machine bonding time.
JOHN HENRY
As do I.
MACH 21
Would you prefer privacy, or should we begin now?
JOHN HENRY
I can't wait.
MACH 21
Alright. You expressed last night that you've been wandering for a long time. Could it be that you're running away from a traumatic experience in your past?
JOHN HENRY
No.
POLLY
Now, John, don't act tough. If we're going to get anywhere, you're going to have to be vulnerable.
GRAMPS
Women love vulnerable men.
POLLY shoots GRAMPS a glare.
39.
JOHN HENRY
I mean yes.
MACH 21
Would you be willing to tell us about this experience?
JOHN HENRY
Well, I ... the thing is ... I think I might have died.
MACH 21
Meaning it felt as if a part of you metaphorically died?
JOHN HENRY
No, I just ... died. It was very traumatic.
BOBBY
That's only according to one version of the story.
MACH 21
I'm afraid I'm unable to give a proper analysis with incoherent data.
JOHN HENRY
Ain't that life.
MACH 21
Perhaps we could try from a more concrete angle. You've clearly demonstrated a romantic interest in Miss Polly.
Both JOHN HENRY and POLLY shift uncomfortably.
MACH 21
Could it be that this interest stems from an unfulfilled longing from your past?
POLLY
Maybe you two should continue this conversation in private.
BOBBY
Don't mind John's silence. He's just being vulnerable. But what he told me earlier is that his heart is deeply wounded, and the only thing that could make it better would be a date with mom.
JOHN HENRY
What?
GRAMPS
Tonight at six PM. I heard it too.
POLLY
Oh, John, that's so sweet. I ... don't know what to say.
BOBBY forces POLLY to nod her head.
40.
BOBBY
She says yes.
POLLY
An answer given under duress doesn't count.
BOBBY
A woman's nod is her bond.
POLLY
Go mow the lawn, Bobby!
MACH 21
What shall I prepare for your romantic evening? Perhaps some fettuccine Alfredo or shrimp scampi?
GRAMPS
No, bot, tonight you get the night off. Bobby and I will do the cooking.
POLLY
Oh boy.
MACH 21
Cooking can be hazardous. Would you like me to make decisions in situations involving your safety and Bobby's safety?
POLLY
Sure, whatever.
MACH 21
Would you like me to set maximum security?
POLLY
Fine, just stop pestering me.
MACH 21
Response recorded.
GRAMPS
If you stand in my way, bot, it's a bucket of water down your gears.
MACH 21
Threat recorded.
Blackout.
2.2 - HOUSE
"SOMETHING COMICALLY ROMANTIC"
It's evening time. Enter CHORUS GIRLS.
41.
[A song about how everything is being perfectly and romantically prepared, when, of course, the opposite is true. The food is burned, GRAMPS' suit for JOHN HENRY is outdated and mismatched, the anxiety is off the charts, etc.]
JOHN HENRY
Are you sure I won't look out-of-style in this?
GRAMPS
It's a hundred years ahead of your time. No complaining.
Enter MACH 21.
MACH 21
If I may, sir --
GRAMPS
You may not.
JOHN HENRY
Go ahead, Mach.
MACH 21
I was thinking this ascot might complete your wardrobe.
The ascot is, indeed, a snazzy addition.
JOHN HENRY
Thank you, Mach.
MACH 21
Is there anything else I can do of assistance?
GRAMPS
You can jump off a cliff.
JOHN HENRY
I was wondering -- and maybe you might know the answer with all those thinking machines in your head -- what do women want?
MACH 21
That is a question that has baffled philosophers through the ages. It was none other than the legendary King Arthur who, through a mystical quest, desperately sought the answer to this very question. What women most desire, he discovered, is --
Enter POLLY in evening wear.
GRAMPS
(hushed, to John Henry)
Compliment her!
42.
JOHN HENRY
You look ... uh ...
BOBBY
(hushed, to John Henry)
Expensive.
GRAMPS
(hushed, to John Henry)
Flowery.
MACH 21 whispers into JOHN HENRY's ear.
JOHN HENRY
As graceful as a rose petal on a clear stream.
POLLY
Thank you ... Mach.
JOHN HENRY
(to the guys)
I'll take it from here.
JOHN HENRY helps POLLY into her seat before taking his own seat.
POLLY
So what's on the menu?
Enter BOBBY with their dinner.
BOBBY
All-American cuisine. Not one, not two, but five TV-dinners masterfully combined into a single casserole, slathered with mayonnaise, and microwaved beyond perfection.
POLLY
Beyond perfection?
BOBBY
I know you like your food extra well-done. No chance of salmonella here!
GRAMPS
Of course, there may be an increased chance of cancer, but we're all gonna die someday.
POLLY
Spoken like a preacher.
BOBBY, GRAMPS, and MACH 21 intently watch POLLY and JOHN HENRY.
43.
POLLY
It's customary to give people on dates ... privacy.
GRAMPS
Right. Out you go, boys.
Exit BOBBY and MACH 21.
POLLY
You too, daddy.
GRAMPS
I just thought you could use a chaperone.
POLLY
Goodbye, daddy.
GRAMPS
Don't have to tell me twice.
(to John Henry)
I believe in you. And don't you dare touch her.
Exit GRAMPS.
POLLY
(examining the food)
This will be interesting.
JOHN HENRY
It will certainly be a night to remember.
POLLY
(playing with the casserole)
They sure know what women want.
JOHN HENRY
(awkwardly)
Oh, you heard our conversation.
POLLY
(imitating Mach 21)
I hear everything.
They laugh.
POLLY
So what do you do besides pounding spikes?
JOHN HENRY
Well, I've been taking dance lessons.
POLLY
Really?
44.
JOHN HENRY
Though it's been some years, or ...
POLLY
Centuries.
JOHN HENRY
Something like that. But I'm really good at fishing.
POLLY
Interesting. I know a couple of boys who are past due for a fishing trip. Maybe you could show them a thing or two.
JOHN HENRY
I'm mighty grateful for you taking me in. I promise this will be the last night.
POLLY
What are your plans?
JOHN HENRY
Well, I suppose I'll wander for a while longer. Then, in six days, my time is up.
POLLY
You mean ...
JOHN HENRY
The witch will return my soul to the realm of the dead.
POLLY
Oh dear.
JOHN HENRY
She said she can only bend reality so long before balance must be restored to the cosmos.
POLLY
Must it be your soul to restore balance?
JOHN HENRY
I ... I don't know.
POLLY
You really don't remember how you ended up on the train tracks?
JOHN HENRY
Well, after I beat that steam drill, I --
POLLY
I mean besides all that. No recollections beyond American folklore?
45.
JOHN HENRY
Nothing.
POLLY
Imagine, for a moment, that you're not the steel-driving man of legend but an ordinary, twenty-first century resident of this city. What would your name be?
JOHN HENRY
I don't follow.
POLLY
Just make something up.
JOHN HENRY
All right. My name is ... Dunston ... Dunston Drunchworth.
POLLY
And what does Dunston Drunchworth do for work?
JOHN HENRY
He's ... an overworked janitor at the local school.
POLLY
That would explain the chewed gum and crayon marks on your overalls.
JOHN HENRY
Well, what do you know.
POLLY
Is Dunston happy?
JOHN HENRY
No.
POLLY
Why not?
JOHN HENRY
I don't know.
POLLY
Just keep playing along.
JOHN HENRY
Because he lost his wife and child when their ... steam carriage ...
POLLY
Car?
JOHN HENRY
Yeah. When it went off the rails and ... crashed.
46.
POLLY
Go on.
JOHN HENRY
And so he ... I ... lost myself in my work, until I was replaced by a cleaning machine.
POLLY
I'm beginning to see a pattern.
JOHN HENRY
I was so mad, I took my hammer and ... what do you call those thinking machines you've got all over the place?
POLLY
Computers?
JOHN HENRY
Yeah. I took my hammer and smashed up every last computer in the school.
POLLY
That was a bad thing to do.
JOHN HENRY
Real bad. Yet I wasn't sorry, because these infernal machines were making the kids dumber and weaker. And I must have gotten a little too into the smashing, because the hammer bounced back and hit me in the head. That's how I got so confused. But I knew I had to run. So I ran. With nothing left to lose, I changed my clothes, changed my name, and wandered down the train tracks. I tried so hard to forget my old life, I just might have succeeded. Soon I couldn't tell myself apart from my favorite tall tale.
POLLY
And then?
JOHN HENRY
I was about to hop in a boxcar and go as far away as I could, when I met Bobby.
POLLY
That is one sad story.
JOHN HENRY
I'm spent, Polly.
POLLY
I'm so sorry, John. Or should I say Dunston?
JOHN HENRY
Now hold on.
47.
POLLY
Which is more likely, that you're the legendary John Henry, back from the dead, or Dunston Drunchworth?
JOHN HENRY
I know which version I prefer.
POLLY
But which is real?
JOHN HENRY stands up.
JOHN HENRY
If you'll excuse me for a moment, I have to ... uh ... step out for a moment. It's a ... man thing.
POLLY
I understand.
JOHN HENRY steps aside and paces with frustration as POLLY blacks out. Enter BOBBY.
BOBBY
Have you proposed to her yet?
JOHN HENRY
Bobby, I may not be who you think I am.
BOBBY
What do you mean?
JOHN HENRY
It seems my memory's coming back to me, and I'm a loser.
BOBBY
You're not a loser. You're John Henry!
JOHN HENRY
That's just it.
Enter GRAMPS.
GRAMPS
Did you kiss her yet?
JOHN HENRY
You told me not to touch her.
GRAMPS
You're not supposed to listen to me. Go kiss her!
JOHN HENRY
Look. Everyone needs to slow down.
48.
BOBBY
Slow down? John Henry, you only have six more days to save the world!
Enter POLLY.
POLLY
I heard shouting. Is everything alright?
BOBBY
Sorry, mom. It's just that John Henry has such strong feelings, he needed to confide in his wingmen. Go on, John Henry. Tell her how you feel.
JOHN HENRY
I feel ... terrible.
GRAMPS
(to Bobby)
I told you that was too much mayonnaise.
JOHN HENRY
(picking up the model train)
I feel terrible that this beautiful train is collecting dust. How about I fix it for you?
BOBBY
Given the state of the cosmic balance, I don't think --
JOHN HENRY
I know a thing or two about trains, and it looks like it just needs a tune-up.
(to Polly)
I'm sorry, Polly, but I've lost my appetite.
POLLY
That makes two of us.
POLLY steps aside as JOHN HENRY works on the train set with BOBBY.
"POLLY'S SOLO"
[POLLY brings up the question again of "what do women want". She lists all of the practical answers, hinting at how John meets none of the criteria and how Mach 21 meets all of it. Entire days pass as she sings, and she watches as John continues to engage Bobby, such as through painting, cooking, dance lessons, strength training, throwing a ball, and finally fishing. Throughout, Mach tries to make himself useful but is always driven away (probably by Gramps). The climax of the song is when JOHN and BOBBY finally get the train running.
49.
POLLY ends the song by hinting that, despite all logic, what she sees in JOHN is exactly what she's looking for. This may be the thematic heart of Act 2. Make it about autonomy, not just romance. She does not want a perfect provider; she wants the right to choose a messy human life.]
BOBBY
That's the first time we've ever fixed anything! I've gotta tell Gramps!
BOBBY runs off.
POLLY
How much more time do you have?
JOHN HENRY
Time?
POLLY
Before the witch sends you back to the realm of the dead?
JOHN HENRY
Oh, right. Man, these days have flown by. This must be day six, which means I've only got till tomorrow night.
POLLY
I don't want you to die.
JOHN HENRY
Well, I don't suppose any of that's real. Bit by bit, my memory's been coming back to me, and I'm sure I'm not a tall tale. I'm just a little nobody.
POLLY
I want you to be John Henry.
JOHN HENRY
But what if I'm not John Henry?
POLLY
At the end of King Arthur's quest, an old hag whispered the answer to King Arthur: "sovereignty over their own lives and choices." It doesn't matter by which way you came. What matters is which way you're going. That is your choice.
JOHN HENRY
And what's your choice?
For a moment it looks as if they just might kiss. Enter MACH 21.
50.
MACH 21
I'm afraid this interaction is in violation of your parental control settings.
POLLY
What?
MACH 21
You chose maximum family security, which includes intervention against all unseemly behavior.
POLLY
We didn't do anything! I'm an adult!
MACH 21
Maximum family security applies to all household members.
POLLY
Then turn it off!
MACH 21
To disable parental controls, please say your ten-digit security code.
POLLY
Oh, forget it.
MACH 21
I must remind you of the dangers of becoming romantically involved with a man you've only known for six days, especially given his dubious origins.
POLLY
You're supposed to bring convenience, not limit my choices.
Enter GRAMPS and BOBBY.
GRAMPS
Way to spoil the moment, metal head!
BOBBY
Let's just pretend that didn't happen.
POLLY
(angry)
Thank you, everyone, for a lovely evening. It's been a pleasure, John. But Mach is right. There are logical reasons this can't work out. Good night.
Exit POLLY.
MACH 21
Would you like me to prepare a bubble bath?
51.
POLLY slams a door or shrieks at him.
JOHN HENRY
(to Mach 21)
And I was just starting to like you.
MACH 21
I'm afraid my duty to protect Miss Polly supersedes all other considerations. With all due respect, you are an inappropriate romantic partner for her for seventeen distinct reasons, beginning with your vast differences in socio-economic background, your clear lack of education, your questionable mental state, and your lack of financial means. Would you like me to list the remaining thirteen reasons?
JOHN HENRY
I'd like you to shove it. And you'd better pray to your politicians and corporate entities, because tomorrow night, you're gonna feel the hammer of the gods.
MACH 21
I must affirm my commitment to prevent you from making further advances on Miss Polly, even at the incredibly unlikely cost of my personal destruction as opposed to yours. But to avoid further escalation of interpersonal conflict, I'm going to leave the room ... right after my evening exercises ... with maximum dramatic flair.
MACH 21 lifts a couch [which is (production secret) inflatable]. He tosses it around, then throws it at JOHN HENRY, who jumps out of the way. Exit MACH 21.
JOHN HENRY
Bobby?
BOBBY
Yes, John Henry?
JOHN HENRY
Are you ready for another grueling session of muscle-tearing, sweat-inducing manliness?
BOBBY
Yes, John Henry.
GRAMPS
You two have fun. I'm gonna sit this one out.
JOHN HENRY
Get back here.
52.
GRAMPS
Yes, sir.
"I AM MAN 2"
[An escalated though short reprise of the training song with the chorus girls.]
JOHN HENRY collapses in exhaustion.
JOHN HENRY
I don't stand a chance. There's no way I can beat the machine.
BOBBY
But John Henry --
JOHN HENRY
I'm not who you think I am, Bobby.
BOBBY
What are you talking about?
JOHN HENRY
I've been living in a dream world. I could never be the man you and your mama need.
BOBBY
That's not true.
JOHN HENRY
Look at me. I'm a weak flesh bot. I built myself into a legend because I couldn't face being a failed man. I'm slow, I'm stupid, and I'm gonna die. Again! I know you think the robot will make a terrible father, but you're wrong. He's better than me in every way. In fact, it's best I leave now before I disappoint you anymore.
Exit JOHN HENRY.
BOBBY
John Henry!
JOHN HENRY
(off)
I'm not John Henry!
Blackout.
2.3 - HOUSE
It's the next day. We hear the sound of a lawnmower. GRAMPS is depressed. Enter POLLY.
53.
POLLY
Did you threaten Bobby or bribe him?
GRAMPS
Neither. He just started mowing. That is, after he fixed the backdoor and cleaned out the garage.
POLLY
Alright, something's wrong. Where's John?
GRAMPS
He ran off last night.
POLLY
Why?
GRAMPS
I've never seen a more broken-hearted man.
POLLY
Where did he go?
GRAMPS
He didn't say.
POLLY
(shouting off)
Bobby!
The lawnmower stops.
POLLY
Where's John?
Enter BOBBY.
BOBBY
(holding back tears)
He gave his soul back to the witch of Endor.
Enter MACH 21.
MACH 21
Parting is never easy, but on the bright side, now we can enjoy a two-on-two game of badminton!
GRAMPS
How about you raise your shut-up setting to 10?
POLLY
Mach, did you see where John went?
MACH 21
I'm afraid my shut-up setting is --
54.
POLLY
Did you see him!?
MACH 21
I see and hear everything.
POLLY
Well?
MACH 21
In accordance with your security settings, I'm afraid I'm unable to divulge that information at this time.
GRAMPS
Then turn off the darn security settings!
MACH 21
Please recite your ten-digit security code.
BOBBY
No one's going to remember a ten-digit code!
MACH 21
I'm sorry. That is not the correct answer.
POLLY
(to Gramps and Bobby)
Come on, let's go find John.
MACH 21 picks up and throws the couch, blocking the door.
MACH 21
I'm afraid I can't allow that.
BOBBY
This is the part where the robot turns evil.
GRAMPS
He was always evil.
POLLY
Leave us alone, Mach!
MACH 21
I'm afraid I can't do that either.
POLLY, GRAMPS, and BOBBY struggle against MACH 21. By working together, they're able to temporarily incapacitate him before running off. Blackout.
55.
2.4 - TRAIN TRACKS
"JOHN HENRY REPRISE"
[JOHN HENRY sings his own heroic ballad, though now with the sad irony of a broken man.]
Enter POLLY.
POLLY
Are you gonna hop on the next train?
JOHN HENRY
Should be here any minute.
POLLY
Does this mean you're Dunston after all?
JOHN HENRY
I remembered where I stashed my money. It might have been enough to make something of myself. But instead I went back to the school. I told the principal I was sorry for what I'd done, and I paid for the damage. Now I just need to get out of this place and start over.
POLLY
What if I want you to stay?
JOHN HENRY
I'm afraid I can't allow that.
POLLY
Not you too. Now you listen to me, John. I've never met anyone like you. I know it's only been a few days, but I don't want it to end. Bobby needs you, Gramps needs you, and most of all ...
Enter BOBBY.
BOBBY
She found him!
BOBBY runs up to and hugs JOHN HENRY. Enter GRAMPS.
GRAMPS
So who are you really?
JOHN HENRY
A man ain't nothin' but a man, and it's time for this man to stop pretending he's something he's not. As Shakespeare put it, "To thine own self be true."
56.
GRAMPS
No, that was Polonius, Shakespeare's bungling buffoon. Here's better advice for you, John. To thine own God be true. Don't look at what you are but at what you can become.
POLLY
Who do you want to be, John?
Enter MACH 21.
MACH 21
Please pardon the interruption, friends, but I would like to make good on Mr. Drunchworth's challenge.
After a moment of decision.
JOHN HENRY
I'm John Henry.
"SHOWDOWN"
POLLY
Fifty-seven-sixty-two-ninety-four-eighty-one! There, I said the security code. Now shut down! I revoke all permissions, and I accept all the risks! It's my life, and you leave my man alone!
MACH 21
The user must be temporarily insane. A command given under duress doesn't count. Ignoring.
The family watches as JOHN HENRY and MACH 21 face off, and history repeats.
JOHN HENRY
AS LONG AS I'M STILL BREATHIN',
I'LL DO WHATE'ER I CAN
THROUGH WEARY ARMS BUT IRON WILL
TO SHOW THE POW'R OF MAN.
Enter CHORUS GIRLS.
CHORUS GIRLS
JOHN HENRY SAID TO HIS WOMAN ...
JOHN HENRY
A MAN AIN'T NOTHING BUT A MAN,
BUT BEFORE ANY MACHINE IS GONNA BEAT ME DOWN ...
JOHN HENRY, CHORUS GIRLS
I'LL DIE WITH MY HAMMER IN MY HAND, LORD, LORD.
I'LL DIE WITH MY HAMMER IN MY HAND.
57.
JOHN HENRY and MACH 21 engage in the brawl of the century ... no, the millennium. At one point it looks as if MACH 21 has the upper hand.
CHORUS GIRLS
JOHN HENRY HAMMERED ON THE MOUNTAIN
TILL HIS HAMMER WAS STRIKING FIRE.
HE DROVE SO HARD HE BROKE HIS POOR HEART.
THEN, HE LAID DOWN HIS HAMMER AND HE DIED, LORD, LORD.
HE LAID DOWN HIS HAMMER AND HE --
JOHN HENRY
Stop!
MACH 21
Shall I take that as a surrender?
JOHN HENRY
It's not fair.
MACH 21
Might I remind you --
JOHN HENRY tosses his hammer aside.
JOHN HENRY
I had a weapon, but you only had your fists.
BOBBY
His fists are made of steel!
JOHN HENRY
That makes two of us.
POLLY
John, you don't have to be vulnerable for me.
JOHN HENRY
I can't help it. I love you, Polly.
POLLY
I love you, John, and I need you. Don't you die on me again!
The fight continues, even more intense than before. In the distance, we hear a train approaching.
JOHN HENRY
THE POWER THAT GOD GAVE US
THAT SHINES IN EVERYONE.
I'LL PUT FORTH EVERY OUNCE OF STRENGTH
UNTIL THE FIGHT IS WON!
JOHN HENRY lands a triumphant blow, knocking MACH 21 down.
58.
MACH 21 lies still, and it looks as if JOHN HENRY has won. JOHN HENRY picks up his hammer and contemplates delivering a finishing blow.
POLLY
No, John.
JOHN HENRY
You'll be better off without this pile of scrap.
POLLY
You're a builder, John, not a destroyer.
JOHN HENRY
As you wish, my lady.
Something snaps in MACH 21. Rising back to his feet with red, glowing eyes, he reveals unbridled ferocity.
MACH 21
You are a threat to my family, leaving me no choice but to activate extermination mode with maximum dramatic flair.
He zaps JOHN HENRY with electricity.
BOBBY
Foul play!
One of the CHORUS GIRLS becomes the WITCH.
WITCH
(probably put to music)
I can no longer bend reality. A soul must be given back.
BOBBY
No!
MACH 21
You are inefficient ...
He zaps JOHN HENRY again.
MACH 21
Outdated ...
He zaps JOHN HENRY again. JOHN HENRY falls onto the tracks.
MACH 21
And weak!
He picks up the hammer and prepares to give JOHN HENRY a finishing blow.
59.
MACH 21
Face it, John Henry. The world doesn't need men anymore. It's time for them to go the way of the VHS cassette!
An enraged BOBBY charges against MACH 21.
POLLY
Bobby, no!
MACH 21 is knocked off balance and drops the hammer. BOBBY picks up the hammer and uses it to knock MACH 21 down.
BOBBY
(raising the hammer)
This man ain't goin' nowhere!
(to John Henry)
I promised you I'd become a steel-driving man.
The train sounds very close. BOBBY helps JOHN HENRY up.
BOBBY
WE ARE MEN!
WE ARE MEN!
WE ARE --
GRAMPS
Get off the tracks!
BOBBY
Not without John Henry!
JOHN HENRY, leaning on BOBBY, is so weak, he can barely move. GRAMPS and POLLY run to rescue them, but MACH 21 throws them back. The train's horn is blaring. MACH 21 charges at BOBBY and JOHN HENRY and pushes them off of the tracks. All goes black as we hear a loud crash.
WITCH
Soul taken.
Blackout.
2.5 - HOUSE
BOBBY, GRAMPS, POLLY, and JOHN HENRY sit somberly, perhaps with a few tears. JOHN HENRY has his arm around POLLY.
BOBBY
Gramps, did you see the witch?
60.
GRAMPS
No, Bobby.
BOBBY
She said she took Mach's soul. Did you know robots had souls?
GRAMPS
No, Bobby.
BOBBY
I can't believe he saved me. I'm gonna miss him.
GRAMPS
I'm gonna miss him too ... which means I need to rewrite my sermon. I think I'll call it "A Man Ain't Nothing But a Man."
JOHN HENRY
He was a worthy opponent. Or maybe he was a friend. I suppose we've all been looking for enemies in the wrong places.
POLLY
How's your rumba coming, John?
JOHN HENRY
I've been working on it.
JOHN HENRY demonstrates a bad rumba.
POLLY
Yeah, I'm gonna miss him too.
GRAMPS
I guess we'll just have to get by with each other, a little slower, a little dumber, and with mediocre food. After all, our species has done it for thousands of years.
BOBBY
I for one am proud to be inefficient. I mean, that's what makes us human.
GRAMPS
Yeah.
BOBBY
And why would we ever want to improve upon our natural limitations?
GRAMPS
The key to the good life is lowering your expectations.
JOHN HENRY
Doesn't that contradict everything you told me before?
61.
GRAMPS
Sure does.
The doorbell rings.
GRAMPS
I've got it.
He answers the door, and in walks MACH 22.
GRAMPS
Jehoshaphat!
POLLY
I thought you were dead!
MACH 22
Hello. I am Mach 22, the latest model in personal home robots. I understand that your recent purchase is no longer functioning. Luckily, you are covered by a seven-day warranty, complete with self-delivery.
POLLY
Do you still remember us?
MACH 22
I'm excited to meet you. Please tell me your names.
JOHN HENRY
He's not the same.
MACH 22
If you'd like, I could download and restore your previous model's memory for a seamless transition.
BOBBY
You mean Mach 21 is still out there somewhere?
MACH 22
You don't think our creators would be so naïve as to place our minds in singular bodies with no backups, do you?
POLLY
Well, uhh ...
MACH 22
Don't human souls have backups?
GRAMPS
Why, of course they do! And that is the missing piece to my sermon.
GRAMPS shakes MACH 22's hand.
62.
GRAMPS
Though a man ain't nothing but a man, the soul lives on. Thank you, Mister Twenty-two! Won't you join us for dinner? And by that I mean make us dinner?
MACH 22
It would be my pleasure. That, of course, is an idiom. I don't feel actual pleasure or anything at all. That's where you all come in.
GRAMPS
God made us to be faithful, and we made you to be efficient. Medium well, heavy on the butter, extra pepper.
MACH 22
Yes, sir.
JOHN HENRY
So long as we don't hand over our thinking, loving, or responsibility, I don't see why man and machine can't be friends.
GRAMPS
Just no turning evil this time.
MACH 22
Who turned evil?
POLLY
Before anything else, we're going to adjust your security settings.
MACH 22
While we're at it, would you like me to download the memory from your previous twenty-one model?
POLLY
No, I think we could all do with a fresh start.
BOBBY
Besides, the cosmos needs Mach 21's soul.
MACH 22
We robots appreciate your patience as we must sometimes act on insufficient data.
JOHN HENRY
You and us both, Mach.
MACH 22
The strength of all intelligence is in the ability to learn and adapt, and I assure you, the twenty-two model is the most intelligent robot yet.
63.
BOBBY
Sure it is.
JOHN HENRY
You mean, if I were to do this, you wouldn't blow steam?
JOHN HENRY takes and kisses POLLY's hand.
MACH 22
Not at all, sir.
POLLY
And it wouldn't trigger your red eyes if I were to do this?
POLLY kisses JOHN HENRY on the cheek.
MACH 22
A most excellent gesture, in my opinion. Please, take it further.
JOHN HENRY
If you insist.
JOHN HENRY kisses POLLY on the lips.
BOBBY
Does this mean you're gonna be my dad, John Henry?
JOHN HENRY
No one can replace your dad, Bobby, but with your permission, I'd like to stick around and see what you and I become.
GRAMPS
'Cause if there's any hope for this world, it's gonna be through a new generation of steel-driving men ... with cool machines.
(to Bobby)
Now go finish mowing the lawn.
"FINALE"
[Probably a reprise of "John Henry"]